No Good in Goodbye
by LaCinderel
Summary: FIND MY NEW STORY BLOOD RUNS HOT (NOT A SEQUEL) ON MY PROFILE PAGE! So John left without saying goodbye. And then what happened? This story picks up right where ep 6x16 left off and goes AU like almost immediately, because I started writing it before ep 6x17 even aired. Credit where credit is due: the title belongs to The Script. It just seems to fit so perfectly with this story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N 1: After I watched 6x16, I sat down to write and this came out. Sorry it's not any happier than the episode itself. I still hold out hope that John will come back next season. After all, he's not dead... But since this is the second time the writers broke up my ship on this show, I don't really trust them with Alicia's love life anymore.**

**The good news is that this will be a longer fic. The bad news is I have no idea where it's going. Although my last name isn't King, so it'll probably have a happy ending.**

**As always, please share your thoughts on this story!**

* * *

_"No matter how it falls apart_

_There's an art in breaking hearts_

_But there's no fair in farewell, no_

_And when I see you in the street_

_I pray to God you don't see_

_The silent hell in I wish you well_

_Oh, but as you walk away, you don't hear me say_

_Where's the good in goodbye?"_

The Script, No Good in Goodbye

§§§

He'd never thought of himself as a coward. He didn't like the feeling.

John leaned on the wall of the elevator, his jaw tight. For a moment, when she'd smiled at him from across the room, he'd hoped… Then Peter had walked in and he'd known. Alicia Florrick could never be his. So he'd left, without saying goodbye. He wasn't into torturing himself for no good reason. If that made him a coward, then he would just have to live with that.

The elevator reached ground floor and he got out, his phone in hand to check his flight information. LA was waiting, his packed suitcases had been in the back of his car since early this morning. Soon, he wouldn't even think about her anymore, because he would be too busy. He ignored the bleakness of that thought. He'd get over it. It wasn't like his heart hadn't been broken before. He would just do what he always did and move on to a different city, start a different life.

This would be the job that would finally land him in the big league.

§§§

"What do you mean, he left?" Alicia's heart felt heavy when she saw the sympathy on Marissa's face.

The two of them were standing near the podium where Alicia would give her speech, apart from the crowd for now. Still, they made sure they kept their voices low. Alicia looked at Peter, claiming the spotlight in the middle of the crowd. Not for the first time in the past two days, the thought of divorcing him crossed her mind. She didn't want to be part of the package deal anymore.

"Did he say when he'd be back?" She knew it was a long shot, but maybe John had just stepped out to run an errand or something?

"I'm sorry, Alicia…" Marissa looked angry. "I don't think he'll be coming back. He told me… He told me to take care of you." The girl muttered something Alicia couldn't make out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last bit." Alicia struggled to keep her face neutral. Peter was looking at her, she could feel his eyes on her. She couldn't let her feelings show.

"I said, he's a coward," The contempt in Marissa's voice was barely veiled. "He should have had the guts to stay. Or at least tell you goodbye in person."

"Well, maybe this is for the best…" Alicia said. Peter was coming their way, followed by Eli, Josh and a throng of reporters. It must be time for her speech, she realized. "I'm not good at saying goodbye anyway."

"But…"

"There she is." Peters voice conveyed nothing but pride, but his eyes were a different story. They looked every bit as cold as she felt. "Honey, you ready to give your speech?"

"I sure am," Alicia beamed. Inwardly cringing, she took the arm he offered her and let him guide her towards the podium. Just a little longer, she promised herself. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Marissa shaking her head in confusion.

§§§

John watched a rerun of her speech on the small tv in the airport lounge while waiting for the boarding call to come over the speakers. She sounded strong and confident. He couldn't help feeling proud, but anger was seeping in as well. Especially when he saw her standing hand in hand with Peter on that podium, smiling at her husband the same way she'd been smiling at him only hours before. He realized that right now, she was probably moaning Peters name the same way she'd moaned his two nights ago.

She'd used him, he saw that so clearly now. Her thirst for power would always come first. And he'd been a fool to fall for her good girl persona.

Feeling angry was better than feeling sad, he decided when he heard the boarding call and made his way over to the gate. He would hold on to his anger.

§§§

Alicia checked her phone again the minute she came home. He hadn't called. She'd gone by his apartment after the party had ended, but he hadn't been there. His car was gone, too. She knew he was probably halfway to LA by now. And the more she thought about it, the more she agreed with Marissa.

He was a coward.

He could have at least done her the courtesy of a personal goodbye before running off to chase his political ambitions on the other side of the country. Especially after what they'd shared only two nights ago.

He was no different than Peter. His career in politics would always come first. And she'd been a fool to fall for his boyish charm.

Anger was better than sadness, she decided while she changed into her nightgown and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She would hold on to her anger.

* * *

**A/N 2: It's very possible that the other fic, Conflicted Heart, will go on hiatus. I realize this will disappoint some people, and I'm sorry for that. I will finish it eventually, but I am struggling with it, and with John's personality in it. I need some time to figure things out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews, keep them coming please :) Here's chapter two, sorry for the delay. Special thanks to Anita, who brainstormed with me. Great minds think alike ;)**

* * *

It was two days after election night and Alicia and Marissa were waiting backstage at Chicago's most popular morning talkshow. Alicia would go on in ten minutes.

"So, what's up with you and John? And Peter?" Marissa asked, making Alicia choke on her coffee.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, just distracting you. You look nervous."

"I'm not."

"Then why do you keep crossing and uncrossing your legs?"

"I-I'm just… Look, Marissa. I don't need you to distract me, okay? I'm fine." Alicia forced herself to keep her legs uncrossed. "It's just an interview." The first important interview since the election. And she didn't feel the least bit prepared. Funny how she had come to rely on John's coaching so quickly.

"Mrs. Florrick? Come with me, please. You're on in five minutes and we need to get your mike on."

"Good luck!" Marissa said as Alicia followed the production assistant.

§§§

"What the hell?" John stared at the pictures in front of him, that showed his new candidate in a very compromising situation involving a barely legal blonde and a jacuzzi. "Where did these come from? When were they taken?"

The campaign advisor who had brought him the pictures, shook his head. "I have no idea. But it's only a matter of time before the bloggers pick up on the story. God, this is a disaster." The guy actually started wringing his hands, and John had trouble keeping his face straight. He'd been here for only two days, but had already decided he didn't like most of the people working on this campaign. It was like the whole staff was made up of wannabe moviestars. They were just too... fake, with their toothpaste smiles and their plastic noses.

Or maybe he was just being cranky. He sighed. "Okay. We'll spin this. Let's see... Any chance the pictures were Photoshopped? By the other campaign maybe?"

"Maybe."

"Well, find out. I'll prepare a statement for the candidate. In case they're not fake." As the campaign advisor left, John turned back to his computer.

The speech he'd been writing for the fundraising dinner tomorrow would have to wait. He hadn't been making much progress on that anyway. Because he felt... uninspired by his candidate, which made it pretty hard to write a speech for the guy. And probably also because of the stupid Chumhum alert for Alicia Florrick that had popped up five minutes ago, tempting him to click on the link to a Good Morning Chicago video.

Well, the bright side of this crisis was he didn't have time for that now either. He'd just bury himself in work until he forgot all about that stupid interview. As for his lack of inspiration... he'd just have to get over that. Ignoring the little voice in the back of his head that asked him why he was working for a candidate he didn't believe in, he got to work on the statement.

§§§

Marissa's phone started vibrating at the same time the traffic light turned green. "It's my dad. I bet he's not happy... Too bad I can't pick up because I'm driving, huh?" The girl sounded positively gleeful. "You kicked ass back there, Alicia."

"I did, didn't I?" Alicia smiled. "I don't know what got into me, actually." See, she didn't need John, she was doing just fine on her own. Although Peter would probably disagree. In fact, he was probably calling her right now. She decided to leave her phone in flight mode for a while longer.

"I'm gonna send John the link to the video," Marissa said in a bright voice.

"What? No! Why would you do that?"

"Because I know you won't, and it's too good not to. And because it won't hurt to remind him, you know, how good you look." She shrugged. "Who knows, maybe it'll make him come to his senses."

"Marissa..."

"What? You want some pretty moviestar to snatch him up?"

"Marissa, would you let it go? John can do whatever he wants. I don't care. Okay?" She held up her hand to stop Marissa from talking. "And don't send him that link."

"Okay, if that's what you want..." Marissa sighed. "But just so you know, he cares. Even if you don't."

"Right. That's why he walked out without a word," Alicia muttered under her breath. But apparently Marissa had ears like a bat.

"You didn't see his face when he left." Having arrived at the FAL office, she parked the car. Then she turned to Alicia. "Or yours when you found out he was gone."

§§§

John suppressed the urge to throw something. Instead, he kicked the front tire of his rental car. This campaign was a train wreck waiting to happen. He'd just spent an hour at the candidate's mansion, questioning the man about the pictures. The guy had insisted they were fake, but John hadn't bought it. And to make matters even worse, the candidate's wife and four-year-old son had come home while the pictures were still spread out all over the dining room table. The scene that followed, wasn't pretty.

As he walked into the diner where he planned to have lunch, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text from Josh Mariner: _Our girl kicked ass. Thought you might wanna see it._ Attached to the message was the link to the Good Morning Chicago video. "Damn it," John muttered. He did not want to see it, even though he did. He deleted the message and put his phone back in his pocket.

§§§

"Hey, JusticeGirl."

Alicia looked up from the file she'd been working on and smiled when she found Finn standing in the doorway of her office. "Hey, if it isn't CoolBeans himself. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Well, I didn't get the chance to congratulate you in person yet. So… Congratulations." He came in and gave her a hug, which she accepted. "Also, I was wondering if you were free tonight," he said when he let go of her.

"Thank you, and yes. Why?"

"Well, since I had to blow you off when you asked me, I thought I'd make it up to you by taking you to dinner tonight. Something fancier than pancakes, I promise."

Alicia chuckled. "Oh, that's hard to resist…"

"Alicia, we need to talk. Now." Peter barged in.

"Peter, can this wait? I'm having a conversation here." Alicia tried to keep her voice patient.

"Oh, that's alright, I was just leaving… Alicia, I'll see you later," Finn made for the door.

"No, Finn, wait…"

"I let you win the election and this is how you thank me?" Peter interrupted.

Alicia inwardly counted to ten while she went to close the door. Then she turned and looked at him, her stomach churning. "You _let_ me win? Really? You were the reason I almost lost!"

"Oh, come on, Alicia. You can't be that stupid. Do you really think you would have won if I hadn't wanted you to win? If I hadn't given that speech…"

"I wouldn't have needed your speech if you hadn't said the things you said in that interview!"

Peter crossed his arms and tilted his head, giving her a disdainful smile. "And why do you think I did that?"

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. This wasn't about her calling him a racist. This was about... "Y-you… did all of that... The interview and the speech... just so I would, what—be indebted to you? You _planned_ all of it?"

"Bingo. It's called politics, Alicia. I scratch your back, you scratch mine." He held up his hand when she tried to say something. "You were the one that wanted to turn our marriage into a business arrangement in the first place, remember? I suggest you start holding up your end of that arrangement. From now on, you'll sing my praises in every interview you give, instead of distancing yourself from me like you did this morning!"

"No." Alicia took a deep breath. She had planned to wait until she was actually in office, but… "I'm done with our arrangement, Peter. And with our marriage, too. I want a divorce."

§§§

"She's divorcing him. She's giving an interview now."

"Damn it!" John opened his hotel room door, dropped his bag of takeout food on the nearest side table and grabbed the remote control. "Okay, what channel is she on?" He said into his phone.

"Nine."

John hung up on the campaign advisor and switched on the TV. As he watched the candidate's wife make her announcement, he couldn't help wondering why he'd ever wanted to get into political campaign management in the first place. He was so tired of it all. Maybe he should just… His phone started vibrating.

"Johnny?" The candidate. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"If you're talking about the divorce…"

"No. That's not it. I, uh…" The man sighed. "I just got arrested."

John tried to hold it back. He really tried. But it was simply too much, and he just couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Not entirely happy with this chapter, mostly because of Finn. He's just not that interesting, and I find him hard to write because of that. But he does have a part to play in this story, so I had to try (sorry!).**

**As always, thanks for the reviews, this is now officially my ****most-reviewed Good Wife fic so far. I love reading your thoughts!**

* * *

"Alicia? Hello?"

"Oh—I'm sorry, Finn, I was just…" Alicia shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Never mind. What did you say?"

"Is something wrong?" He pointed at her plate with his fork. "We can still go for pancakes, you know, if you don't like the food."

"God, I'm so sorry. The food is delicious, really." To demonstrate, she took a bite and savored it. It really was great, as was the restaurant he'd chosen. He'd really done his best to make sure the evening would be perfect, and she was ruining it.

"Then what's wrong?" He persisted.

"Nothing…" He didn't look convinced, and she sighed. "Well, Peter."

"Ah. Let me guess. The interview."

"You saw it? I thought you were in court this morning."

"I may, or may not, have watched it online before I picked you up." He actually blushed, which she found kind of… cute. "Peter wasn't happy?"

"That's one way to put it…" But it wasn't Peter's reaction to the interview that was really bothering her. It was his response to her demanding a divorce. Which he actually hadn't responded to. Unless the way he'd marched out of her office without saying another word counted as a response, leaving her wondering what he would do next. She had no illusion whatsoever that he would just kindly agree to a divorce. She sighed and shook her head again. "Look, Finn, let's not talk about that now, okay? I don't want to ruin the evening."

"You sure? I'm a very good listener."

"I know. And thank you. But I've been thinking about this too much already, so I could really use a change of subject, okay?"

"Sure. But if you do want to talk, you know where to find me."

"I do. Well, when you're not on some hot date, that is…"

A sour grin crossed his face and he sighed. "Yeah, well, you don't have to worry about that. I think I'll be playing a lot of Halo for the foreseeable future."

"Oh, that doesn't sound good. What happened?"

"Turns out she wasn't interested in anything long-term." He took another bite of his food and shrugged, like it was no big deal.

"And you were?"

"I don't know… I hadn't even thought about it yet. It all happened kind of fast."

"Really?"

Finn chuckled. "Yeah, I was surprised too. Usually, I like to get to know a woman a little better before I…" He was blushing again. "But with Nancy, it was like… there was a spark. You know?"

Her brain helpfully supplied her with imagery of her night with John, but she pushed it aside. That was different. She had known beforehand that it would just be for one night. That had been the whole point, actually… She reached for her wineglass when the name suddenly registered. "Wait. Did you say Nancy?"

"Um—yes. Nancy Crozier."

"How did that happen?"

"I ran into her at a bar after the 3D gun case, and we had a few drinks together. And then… Well, let's just say one thing led to another."

"Wow." Alicia really didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Funny thing is, I didn't see it coming. You see…" He looked at her intently, "I thought I was in love with… someone else."

Alicia felt a tiny flutter in her stomach and quickly focused on her food again. When she looked back up, Finn was doing the same, his face now redder than she'd ever seen it before.

§§§

"Hey, dirtbag!"

John frowned as he looked at his phone before putting it back to his ear. Caller ID read 'Unknown', but that cheerful voice could only belong to… "Marissa?"

"So you do remember the names of those you left behind? I'm flattered."

"Where did you get my number?" He didn't remember ever giving it to her, and he couldn't imagine Josh giving it to her either.

"Alicia's contact list."

"Alicia's contact…" Out of nowhere, worry kicked him in the gut. "Is… is she alright?" He hoped she wouldn't pick up on his anxiety. Because as soon as he asked, he knew nothing was wrong. Marissa wouldn't have greeted him the way she had if something was wrong. Would she?

Marissa chuckled. "Don't worry, she's fine… Should I tell her you asked about her?"

"No. No. So why are you calling me?"

"Because Alicia said not to text you. She didn't say anything about calling you, so…"

"Why would you… Never mind." John sighed. "I don't have time for this. Could you please cut the crap and tell me what you want?"

"Sorry." She didn't sound sorry at all. "I was just wondering if you've seen it."

"Seen what?" But he knew. It had been hovering on the edge of his mind since this morning. And ever since he'd gotten back to his hotel after bailing out his candidate an hour ago, he'd been trying to ignore the urge to go online and look it up. He'd been watching some stupid movie in hopes of distracting himself, but didn't have even the faintest idea of what the plot was about. His eyes kept wandering to his laptop. And now this.

"Good Morning Chicago. It was good, you know. You should watch it."

"I'm not interested."

"Of course you're not. So—do you have the link, or do you need me to email it to you? Alicia didn't say anything about email either…"

"Bye, Marissa." John hung up on her, but not quick enough to miss her delighted giggle. He tossed the phone onto the bed. _Do you need me to email it…_ His mind went back to the email Alicia had sent him only days ago.

_Relax. It was just a one night stand, albeit a great one._

From there, the thoughts that had been plaguing him ever since that night began repeating again. Yes, it had been great. And he'd felt like they had really connected, on more than just a physical level. Clearly, she disagreed. He'd probably been just a means to scratch an itch. She would never divorce Peter to be with him. He should just get over it already, forget about her and move on. He definitely should not be watching videos that made him dwell on her…

"Whatever!" he heard himself mutter.

He grabbed his laptop and opened his browser. Then he braced himself and clicked on the video link.

§§§

Alicia pressed the elevator button and leaned against the wall, closing her eyes as the elevator carried her up to her floor. She had really enjoyed her dinner with Finn. And now that he wasn't seeing Nancy anymore… Who knew?

Before she decided to run for office, she'd thought he was in love with her. And she even thought that she might feel the same way. She'd been on the verge of kissing him that one time, in his office. She'd backed out at the last minute, because she hadn't been ready yet.

But she was ready now. After all, she'd let go of Will. Her night with John was proof of that.

The elevator reached her floor and Alicia stepped into the hallway, searching her purse for her keys. They weren't there. Checking her pockets and finding them empty, she groaned. She must have left them in the apartment, or lost them somewhere. And Grace was staying over at a friend's house, so there was no one home to let her in. She wasn't friendly enough with her neighbors to have provided them with a spare key just in case. Now what? Call Grace, have her come back in the middle of the night to let her in? Or…

The elevator door opened behind her and she turned around to find Finn standing there, a grin on his handsome face. He held up his hand—with her keys. "Looking for these?"

"Yes! Where did you find them?"

"Seat of my car. They must have fallen from your pocket when you got out." He tossed her the keys and she caught them.

"Thanks, Finn." Alicia smiled at him.

"Sure, no problem." He cleared his throat. "Good night, Alicia."

"Finn…" She looked at him standing there by the elevator. It was almost like deja vu. Almost. Because the last time it hadn't been Finn standing there.

"Yes?"

Finn looked at her expectantly, and Alicia realized she had no idea what she had wanted to say to him. So she decided to throw caution to the wind.

She walked up to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

§§§

The talkshow host was a gorgeous redhead, but John only had eyes for Alicia. She looked more beautiful than ever, her eyes and smile positively radiant as the host introduced her and they exchanged pleasantries. Realizing he couldn't do this without some fortification, he got up and went to the minibar to pour himself a bourbon. He'd just taken a sip when he heard the host ask the first question that interested him.

"You will be working with your husband, governor Peter Florrick, a lot when you're in office. Do you think that will change the dynamics of your marriage?"

"Well…" Alicia's smile dimmed a little as she seemed to consider her reply. But John saw the truth in her eyes and his heart rate went up as he realized she was about to go after Peter. "…It hasn't been an easy marriage over the past years, to say the least. Peter and I have our differences. We've found ways to make things work in the past. But we're in uncharted territory now, and the differences seem to stand out more with both of us in politics. I guess we'll see how things work out."

The host seemed taken aback, but recovered quickly. She tried to worm a statement about a possible end of the Florrick marriage from her guest, but Alicia easily sidestepped the personal questions by talking about her professional relationship with her husband instead.

_That's my girl_, John thought. He told himself he meant that in a professional way. Apparently, she hadn't forgotten about his lesson in message discipline. _Good for her._

Then the host asked Alicia something about calling Peter a racist at the Black Business Leaders Lunch, and John forgot all about professionalism as he remembered the eager smile on her face when he'd told her to have no mercy for Peter. The smile that had made him want to kiss her right there and then.

"I never called my husband a racist. All I meant to say at that lunch was that I intend to take the sa's office in a new direction," Alicia said calmly.

"And what direction is that?" the host asked.

"To get the best people for the job I possibly can, instead of hiring people based on who they know, or what they believe or look like. I will only hire people who have the credentials that are needed for this job, and then some. People who know the law and how to apply it in a fair and objective way. People who understand that being a prosecutor isn't about winning as many cases as you can, by all means possible. It's about seeing justice done."

"So you _are_ saying that your husband's hiring practices were… Questionable?"

"No. I'm talking about a trend I see in the system. My husband, being part of that system, may have made some… unfortunate choices back when he was in office. But he did what he could and I'm not saying he made those choices deliberately. Just that I intend to make different ones."

"Well, thank you for your frank answers, Mrs. Florrick. I'm afraid our time is almost up. We do have time for one more question, though—what do your clients think of you leaving them to fight on the other side from now on?"

"They know I'm not the kind of person to walk out on them just like that." Alicia paused for a heartbeat to look right into the camera when she said that, and John sat up a little straighter as he processed her words. She looked back at the host when she continued, "They also know that I believe all my clients deserve a vigorous defense, and that's what they'll get. I will either personally wrap up their cases or refer them to my law partners."

The host smiled and opened her mouth to say something, but Alicia held up her hand to stop her from talking.

"Some of them have been with me for a long time. After what we've shared…" Again, Alicia turned to the camera, and John got the feeling she was looking straight at him. "…I think the least I can do is tell them goodbye in person."

_What the hell?_

The video ended and John absent-mindedly closed the laptop. He poured himself another bourbon and went to stand by the window, looking at the city lights while trying to figure out if Alicia had really just told him what a coward he was for walking out on her without saying goodbye.

§§§

Alicia stared at Finn and all but cringed when she saw the tenderness in his eyes. What had she done? She stepped back, trying to think of something, anything to say.

"That was… unexpected," he said, before she could come up with something. "But very pleasant," he added quickly.

"I—Finn, I…" Alicia faltered. She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath. Then she tried again. "I'm sorry, I really am. I thought I could do… this. With you. But… I can't. I'm sorry." She turned around and opened her apartment door, her shaking hands fumbling with the key.

"Alicia…"

"Sorry, Finn," she said again, without looking at him. She stepped inside, closed the door and sagged against it as she tried to process what just happened. She'd kissed Finn. Because she wanted to. She had wanted to for months.

So why was it that she couldn't stop thinking about John?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews on this story! I have been feeling pessimistic about the chances of John returning on the show lately, I don't know why. But it makes writing this a bit harder, and your encouragement has helped a lot :)**

**This is an AU story, so the e-mails in this chapter aren't the same e-mails that were hacked on the show. Enjoy! **

* * *

The conversation with the candidate had been easier than he'd expected. The guy hadn't even seemed to care that much, actually. Which only showed he'd made the right decision, John thought as he put his laptop in its case and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. Just when he was about to leave, his office door opened and the campaign advisor he'd worked most closely with over the past few days came in.

"You can't be serious. You're leaving? We're in the middle of a campaign!" The man started wringing his hands again.

"A losing campaign." John pointed out. That was a safe bet. The election was only three weeks away, and the candidate was six points behind.

"So you're… What, leaving the sinking ship to save your own ass?"

"No." John sighed. "I'm leaving because I want to work with candidates I believe in. And I just can't believe in a guy who tells kids to say no to drugs and then gets arrested for possession himself."

The advisor threw his hands up. "It wasn't his! The hooker admitted…"

"Don't you get it? The fact that there was a hooker in that motel room with him to begin with…" John shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm done."

"Wow. The first sign of trouble and you walk out. You know what, Elfman? You're a damn coward!"

"I know." John sighed. "That's why I came here in the first place." With that, he turned and left.

He had no idea where he would go. When he'd told the advisor he was done, he wasn't sure if he was just talking about this campaign or about political campaigns in general. But he'd figure that out later. He was planning on taking some downtime first, maybe even lie on the beach for a couple of days. Unwind, put everything that had happened over the past months behind him.

§§§

"Oh, good morning, Mrs. Florrick. The Governor said to let you go right inside." Peter's secretary said when Alicia walked in.

"Thank you." She knocked on the door to his office.

"Alicia, hi—I'll call you back, Eli." Peter put his phone down and smiled at her. "Please, sit. Can I get you anything?"

"No, thanks." Alicia sat down on the edge of the sofa, uncertain what to expect. He'd called her an hour ago, saying they needed to talk. About the divorce, she was sure, but she hadn't expected this welcome.

Peter sat next to her. "I'm sorry about what happened yesterday," he said, and Alicia was glad she hadn't asked for a glass of water, because she would have surely choked on it. "I overreacted about the interview," Peter continued. He looked at her expectantly.

"Uh… Thanks. Don't worry about it," she said, and he smiled in apparent relief.

"So…" Peter put his hand on hers, making her stiffen slightly. "Let's just let bygones be bygones. No more talk about ending our arrangement. Or our marriage. Agreed?"

"Well…" she drew her hand back and sighed. "I didn't mean to tell you like that. But I really do think it would be better if we divorced. We… Just don't work anymore."

"I see." Peter stood and went to his desk. He leaned on it, hanging his head.

"Peter…"

"The presidential suite, Alicia? Really?" He interrupted her.

"What?" Alicia was taken aback by the sudden coolness in his voice.

"Don't tell me you don't remember your magical night with Will Gardner in the presidential suite..." He turned to her, a sneer on his face, and held up a file folder. "After he was shot, I hired an investigator. I wanted to know what, exactly, my wife had been up to."

"You… What?"

"He dug up some interesting stuff. Tell me…" Peter sat down beside her again. "How long do you think you will last in office when people find out you knew that Colin Sweeney was guilty of killing his wife?"

"Sweeney?" Did she miss something? "What does he have to do with…"

Peter opened the folder, leafed through its contents and slowly shook his head. "You really should be more careful what you write in your e-mails, Alicia," he admonished, handing her a page from the file.

Alicia scanned the contents of the paper. It was a printout of an e-mail exchange between her and Will, in which she asked him what to do about Sweeney telling her he killed his wife. Will, in his reply, advised her to forget about it. This was bad. Knowing Sweeney, he had been joking. She would remember if he ever confessed for real. But taken out of context… She looked at Peter, who gave her a confident smile.

"The second you file for divorce, a copy of this e-mail will be sent to every news outlet in town," he said in a low voice. "They will have a field day with this, don't you think?" He took the printout out of her suddenly cold hands and put it back into the file.

She could only stare at him. He put the file folder down and took her hands in his, and she didn't even try to hide the shudder that went through her.

"Alicia, honey… I really don't want to do this." His voice was like honey, soothing and warm. But there was an icy glint in his eyes that belied his words.

"Then don't," Alicia bit out, yanking her hands free. Who was this man? Certainly not the man she'd married two decades ago…

"Well, I'm willing to put this back into my safe, forget it exists. That is, _if_ you forget about that divorce." Peter stood and walked to his desk. He put the folder down and looked at her again, opening his hands. "So, you see—it's really your choice, honey."

§§§

It was only three in the afternoon, but what the hell. It was too hot to lie on the beach anyway. John signaled the bartender to bring him his second beer while he watched the press conference on the television mounted over the bar.

Looked like the campaign advisor that had called him a coward was out of a job too. The candidate had just announced he would be withdrawing from the race due to personal circumstances. Well, that explained why he hadn't really been interested in John's departure.

The bartender put the beer in front of him and John paid for it. Just when he wanted to drink from the bottle, his phone started vibrating. Unknown caller. He rolled his eyes. "Hi, Marissa," he said into the phone.

"Uh… Is this Mr. Jonathan Elfman?" An unfamiliar woman's voice asked.

"Oh. Yes, sorry. Who is this?"

"Janice Stevenson, secretary to Mr. Trevor Rhodes. He's…"

"…The founder and president of the Rhodes Foundation, I know." John frowned. What did the president of one of the largest charity organizations in the country want from him? "What can I do for you, Mrs Stevenson?"

"It has come to Mr. Rhodes' attention that you might be looking for a job."

John looked at the TV. The candidate hadn't even finished the press conference yet. "And if I am?"

"Well, we have an open position for a PR manager. We've been interviewing candidates for the past four days, but when Mr. Rhodes heard you might be available, he immediately asked me to set up an appointment."

"Uh, sure. When?" John had never considered working for a charity before, but it wouldn't hurt to meet with Rhodes, see what he had to offer. Who knew, maybe it was just the change he needed after his most recent experiences in politics.

"Are you available tomorrow morning at ten?"

"I am." That's when it hit him where the Rhodes Foundation headquarters were located. "Wait. You mean in Chicago? I'm in LA right now."

"I know, Mr. Elfman. So is Mr. Rhodes. He'd like to meet with you at our local office in Santa Monica, if that's alright."

"But the job is in Chicago?"

"It is. Why? Is that a problem?"

Was it? John honestly didn't know. All he knew was that it was a good thing that he'd never believed in things like fate and destiny, or he might have thought the universe was trying to tell him something.

§§§

This was actually a waste of very good wine, Alicia thought as she drained her glass and poured another. But she couldn't bring herself to care. She deserved it after the day she'd had. She'd gone straight from Peter's office to her own, planning to talk to David Lee first thing. But then it had hit her that she wouldn't be the only one affected when Peter released the e-mails. Diane and Cary could be hurt by the fallout as well. She couldn't do that to them… But she couldn't stay married to Peter either. Not after this.

Wishing she could talk to someone about her dilemma, she took her glass over to the couch and sank down. But who? Owen and her mother would probably just tell her to go ahead and divorce Peter anyway. They hated him and she had the impression that they didn't care very much about her political career either.

Finn, maybe? No, she couldn't. Not after last night. She winced. Or today, for that matter…

She'd gone up to his office to talk to him this morning. She'd tried to make things right by apologizing again and he had accepted, but she had seen the hurt in his eyes when she explained it wasn't him, it was her. Too late, she'd realized Nancy must have given him a similar speech.

So, Finn was not an option. There was a time when she would have turned to Kalinda, but… Alicia shook her head. No. She'd have to figure this out herself. She just needed to find a way to… diminish the impact of the e-mails once they came out. Because they would come out, she knew. There was no way she could stop Peter from releasing them. The only way to control the damage they would do, was to…

"Get ahead of the story…" She whispered, at the same time realizing that there was someone she could talk to. Someone who would know exactly what to do.

Putting her glass down on the coffee table, Alicia got up and retrieved her phone from her purse. She scrolled through her contacts, found his number and… hesitated. She couldn't involve him in this. Could she?

Then again… what other choice did she have? She dialed the number and tried to calm her racing heart as she waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?"

Alicia took a deep breath. "John? It's me—Alicia."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, the favorites and the follows, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who wants John back. Judging by the Peter and Alicia scene in the most recent episode and the promo for the next one, that won't happen anytime soon as far as the Kings are concerned. Fingers crossed they bring him back for season 7...**

* * *

John was in his hotel room, reading up on the Rhodes Foundation to prepare for the job interview, when Alicia called.

"Hi," he said, trying very hard to sound like seeing her name light up on the screen hadn't just made his heart skip several beats. She didn't say anything in return. "Alicia? Are you alright?"

"Yes. Well, I don't know…" He heard her take a deep breath. "Actually, no. Something's come up. And I—I could use your advice on how to handle it. If that's okay."

Well, he'd figured this wasn't just a social call. But still… John exhaled quietly. "Sure, what's up?"

"Some e-mails are about to come out. E-mails that… call my integrity into question."

He tensed. "Alicia, if you're talking about your e-mail to me…"

"What? Oh—No. No, I don't think he has that one. I'm talking about e-mails from way back. Years ago. Between me and… another lawyer. About a client."

"Okay…" He was pretty sure the other lawyer was Will Gardner. Her pause made that clear. But who was the client? And who was threatening to leak the e-mails? John filed those questions away for later as he went into campaign manager mode. "What's in the e-mails?"

"Well… The client told me he was guilty of committing the crime he was being tried for at the time. I asked the other lawyer what to do. He told me to forget it ever happened. I did—and the client was acquitted." Alicia sighed heavily. "The thing is… My client was joking. I know he was. But…"

"But if you take the e-mails out of context, it sounds very bad. I agree, that could be very damaging."

"Exactly. So… What can I do?"

"Can you stop them from coming out?"

A bitter laugh came over the phone. "Not a chance."

"Okay. Then you need to get ahead. Control the story."

"That's what I figured. But how?"

"You get it out yourself." He could almost hear the wheels in her head spinning, and it made him smile as he remembered how worked up she got about the interviews she gave during her campaign.

"You mean… release a statement or do a press conference? Wouldn't that just call more attention to it?"

He chuckled. "Yes, it would. That's not what I meant. Find a friendly journalist, sit down for an interview. Tell the story your way, downplay it."

"Okay… But I can't just tell them what Swe—my client said. Even if he was joking. The conversations I have with clients are confidential. And I can't tell them that those e-mails are out there either. That would hurt the firm."

_Sweeney, huh?_ John had figured Bishop was the problematic client. He pretended not to have noticed her slip. "Remember what I told you about the greater truth? That it's not about this happened or that happened…"

"…It's about doing good. Yes, I remember. Why?"

"That's how this is. You don't say anything about this conversation in particular. Or this client, or the e-mails. You just talk about the greater picture. How your clients, in general, sometimes joke or say the opposite of what they mean because they are nervous. And about how you learned to separate that from the actual case. That way, you can…"

"…Provide context. For when the e-mails do come out. That's what you're saying, right?"

"Yes."

"That's… actually a great idea. Thanks, John. One more question?"

"Sure."

"Where do I find a friendly journalist?"

"I happen to know one. I'll give him a call, have him call you." He'd call Josh as well, tell him to sit in on the interview and make sure nothing went wrong.

"Oh—no, you don't have to do that. You're probably busy enough as it is. Just give me the number, I'll call him myself."

"Alicia, don't worry about it. It's fine. It's the least I can do for you after…" He took a deep breath, not sure this was really a good idea. "Well, after the shitty way I left on election night." He held his breath, listened to her soft breathing. "I'm sorry for that. I should have at least said goodbye," he offered, when the silence grew unbearable.

"That would have been… nice," she admitted in a soft voice. "Look, John, about… that other night…"

"Alicia—stop. Let's not go there." He closed his eyes, ran a hand through his hair. "It was just a one-night stand. No big deal. Just like you said. It's behind us now." There was no use in letting her know that he hadn't been able to put it behind him yet. She had enough on her plate as it was.

"But…"

"Alicia. It's fine, really. Let's just… leave it there, okay?" He told himself that really was the best thing. He'd cleared his conscience by apologizing for the way he'd left her. That had to be enough, because nothing had really changed since then. She was still very much a married woman, and he still didn't want to play second fiddle.

She was quiet for a couple of heartbeats. Then she sighed. "Okay."

"Okay. I'll call the journalist. His name is Trent Davenport. I'll have him call you tomorrow to set up the interview."

"Okay. And John?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For… everything."

"Sure. Good luck."

They said goodbye. John put the phone back on the nightstand and looked at his laptop. The web site for the Rhodes Foundation was still open in his browser. He'd told himself he really wanted that job. But he wasn't so sure anymore.

§§§

Alicia poured herself another glass of wine, wondering why she didn't feel much better than before she'd called John. After all, she had a plan now. She'd do the interview first. Once the context for the e-mails was out there, she'd talk to David Lee and file for divorce. Peter would fight it tooth and nail, but at least his file couldn't harm her anymore. Could it? _Well, that really depends on what else he has in there_, she thought.

Maybe that was why she didn't feel as relieved as she should. There was still the information about Will… She quickly put her glass to her lips in an attempt to wash away the memory of Peter's sneer when he'd mentioned the presidential suite and her 'magical night'.

"Don't think about that," she told the empty room, suddenly wishing that Grace was here so she had someone to talk to. Not about Peter, of course, or about the e-mails. Just about… well, everything else. School, religion, TV shows… Anything that would take her mind off the other stuff.

Feeling guilty for thinking about her daughter as a distraction, Alicia reached for the remote control. The TV would probably do just as good a job in taking her mind off things. Aimlessly flipping through channels, her mind wandered to John and she smiled. It had been good to hear his voice again, even if the end of the conversation had felt a bit… awkward. His apology had caught her off guard, to say the least. But she was glad they'd talked things out. _Well, sort of._ He had done most of the talking, while she had stuttered and stammered her way through it.

Alicia smiled when it occurred to her how completely reversed their roles had been when he'd come to see her after the Black Business Leaders speech. Back then, he'd been the one to stutter and stammer, seemingly unsure of how to respond to her invitation to come inside. But when he had come in, all signs of insecurity had vanished rapidly…

She stopped herself before she could think too much about the night that had followed. That was in the past now. The important thing was, they now both seemed to agree that it had been just a one-night stand. And they were both okay with that. That was a good thing… Wasn't it?

Her thumb stopped pressing the remote control buttons, but she didn't even glance at the news channel that came on, her mind completely occupied with the realization that had just hit her out of nowhere.

It didn't feel like a good thing. Because she _wasn't_ okay with it.

_Why was that_, she wondered. She wasn't… No. She couldn't be. It didn't mean anything. It had been one night of fun with a hot guy who was set to leave soon. A guy she didn't have feelings for. To satisfy their physical needs. No strings attached, and therefore… safe.

_Of course you don't have feelings for him_, a voice that sounded suspiciously like her brother's whispered in her head. _So, explain to me again why you were wishing it was him the whole time you were kissing the man you do have feelings for?_

"Shut up, Owen," she muttered, but it was too late. She couldn't deny her feelings for John any longer. Alicia buried her head in her hands, trying to figure out when, exactly, she had started to fall in love with him.

§§§

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Elfman." Trevor Rhodes, who bore a striking resemblance to Robert de Niro, offered John his hand. "I hope we'll meet again very soon."

"Thank you, Mr. Rhodes. The pleasure was all mine." John shook the billionaire's hand. "I'll let you know what I decide."

"Don't take too long. My jet leaves for Chicago tonight. You're welcome to join me. It would save you a plane ticket and it would give us the chance to get to know each other a little better." Rhodes smiled and motioned for John to walk with him.

"I'll keep that in mind." John said as they exited the building and walked onto the parking lot, where a limo was waiting.

Rhodes waved and got in the limo. John walked over to his rental car feeling better than he had in days. Turned out Rhodes' granddaughter was married to one of John's old college friends, and that the man had been following John's career closely ever since the Obama campaign in 2012. He'd made it very clear from the moment they'd met that the job was John's if he wanted it.

The job seemed like a great opportunity, and Rhodes seemed to really care about the underprivileged kids his foundation provided with the means to pursue a proper education. He certainly didn't come across as some entitled billionaire that only played the part of the wealthy philanthrope for the sake of keeping up appearances. He was, in short, a guy John could believe in.

When he drove back to his hotel, he couldn't help but grin as he remembered what he'd told Marissa right before he left. _I've never been a man to stay in one place._ Looked like that was about to change. And he really had come to like the city in the time he'd spent there, so what better place was there to finally settle down after years of moving around the country, from one campaign to another?

As for Alicia… He wouldn't let his personal feelings dictate another career decision. Chicago was big enough to not run into her on every street corner. And he'd kept his feelings for her locked away successfully before, hadn't he? He could do it again. They would fade with time.

John parked the car on the hotel parking lot, took his phone from his pocket and dialed the number Rhodes had given him. "Mr. Rhodes, it's Johnny Elfman. What time should I be at the airport tonight?"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N 1: I've decided not to write out Alicia's interview this time, because it's already clear what she is gonna tell the reporter anyway. Plus, I already put an interview in this story, and I didn't feel like writing more of the same :) That said, there's plenty of good stuff in this chapter, so I don't think you'll miss the interview ;) **

**Enjoy, and let me know what you think! **

* * *

Alicia gave Trent Davenport the warm smile she'd perfected during her campaign, but it felt more genuine now than it had then. After all these years of reporters acting like vultures around her, his easygoing style of interviewing had been a refreshing change of pace. That was not to say that he hadn't asked any critical questions, but she had gotten the sense that he wasn't out to get her. He'd merely been dotting all his i's.

"Thank you for the interview, Mrs. Florrick," he said, returning her smile.

"It was my pleasure. When will the story be published?"

"My editor called me when I was on my way here—he cleared out the front page of the Sunday edition for this—well, the front page of the Metro section, that is."

"Of course." Alicia felt her smile fade a little. Sunday was two days away.

The reporter left and Josh, who had stepped out to answer a phone call a few minutes earlier, came back in. "That went very well," he said.

"Thanks. I just wish they'd print it sooner."

"Why? When are they printing it?"

"Sunday. That gives Peter two whole days to catch wind of it. And if he does…" Alicia sighed. Peter was smart, and he knew how much she hated doing interviews. As soon as he found out about the interview he'd know something was up, and he wouldn't hesitate to leak the e-mails.

"Can you avoid him till Sunday?" Josh asked.

"No, she can't." They both turned to Marissa, who had been quietly sitting on the couch with her iPad all this time. She looked at Alicia with an apologetic smile. "You and Peter have that Rhodes thing tomorrow night."

Alicia closed her eyes and groaned. The fundraising gala for the Rhodes Foundation had completely slipped her mind. She'd already told Peter, weeks ago, that she would go with him. Sitting down in her desk chair, she considered canceling on him. Maybe she could tell him she wasn't feeling well. But that might not be a smart move, under their current circumstances.

"I'll call the paper, check if they can print the story tomorrow," Josh offered.

"No, don't. I don't want Davenport to think there's ore to it than just a puff piece about the new sa." Alicia sighed and resigned herself to the notion that she would just have to do what she'd done so many times over the past six years. Show up, smile and play the part of the good wife to the mighty politician.

§§§

John had spent the morning of his first day on the job handling the fall-out of an ex-Rhodes Foundation teen robbing a liquor store the night before, and preparing a welcoming speech for Rhodes to give at the upcoming fundraising gala.

Walking into the restaurant where he would meet Rhodes and his wife for lunch, he checked his watch. He'd been so engrossed his work on the speech, that he'd had to run to make it here on time—but he had. With a minute to spare, even.

"Ah, there he is! Johnny! Over here!" John looked up in the direction of Rhodes' voice to find the billionaire and his wife sitting at a table, across a stunningly beautiful blond woman. "Johnny, I'd like you to meet my granddaughter, Ashley," Rhodes said as soon as John reached the table. "She runs our local office in New York. Ashley, this is Johnny Elfman, the new PR manager I told you about. He and Eric went to college together."

"Nice to meet you," John said, shaking hands with her and Mrs. Rhodes before they all sat down. "How is Eric? I haven't seen him in years."

"He's doing great, actually," Ashley smiled. "He's very happy to become a daddy in a few months."

"Oh—congratulations," John said.

"Thanks," she said. Her eyes twinkled in amusement. "Don't you think I look great for a woman who's five months along?"

"Uh, I guess…" Five months? John tried not to stare, but it was hard. Ashley was wearing a form fitting purple dress, and not a hint of baby bump was showing. Had they used a surrogate or something?

"Ashley, don't tease the man," Mrs. Rhodes admonished, but with the same twinkle in her eyes. "Don't mind her, Mr. Elfman. It's her sister Samantha who is married to Eric—and expecting my first great-grandchild." She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial stage whisper. "Ashley is single, in fact."

"Grandma!" Ashley rolled her eyes and blushed.

Mrs. Rhodes ignored her, beaming a smile at John. "How about you, Mr. Elfman? Anyone special in your life?"

"Um—no, not at the moment. And please call me Johnny, ma'am."

"Well, Johnny, then that's settled. You'll be Ashley's date for the gala tomorrow!" She clapped her hands, looking like she'd just solved a challenging puzzle. "And you can call me Alice, of course."

"Alice, honey…" Trevor Rhodes gave John an apologetic look. "Stop playing the matchmaker, please. You're making my new PR manager feel uncomfortable."

John surprised himself by shaking his head. "No, that's alright, Mr. Rhodes. I'll be honored to accompany Ashley to the gala. That is, if she wants me to," he said, smiling at Ashley who was looking really uncomfortable now.

"Uh—Sure, yes, I'd like that," she said. The twinkle was gone from her eyes, and her smile was now polite rather than warm. All in all, John didn't get the impression she was really enthusiastic about the idea of being his date.

§§§

"Well, well, well…" David Lee leaned back in his desk chair, giving Alicia a mocking glance. "If it isn't the new state's attorney. Have you come to indict me?"

"No." Alicia hinted an obligatory smile, inwardly rolling her eyes. "I was wondering if you still have the files from the Cull divorce somewhere?" She closed the door as she stepped into his office and sat down in the chair across from him."

"Sure, have a seat, why don't you. Now, why would the sa be interested in one of my old clients?"

Alicia managed to keep her expression polite, but couldn't stop a sigh from escaping. "I'm not asking as the sa." He gave her a blank look. "Oh, come on, David. The Cull divorce?" She put more emphasis on the old codename this time, and watched his eyes widen just a fraction as it dawned on him.

"Oh, that Cull divorce…" David leaned forward. "For real this time?"

Alicia nodded.

"Well—that sounds like fun! Count me in." He winked at her. "It'll be just like old times, huh?"

She sighed. "Look, David—can we just drop the sarcasm for the time being? I'm asking you for help here."

"I know." He let out a gleeful chuckle. "That must be painful."

This time, Alicia didn't bother hiding her eye roll. "This was obviously a bad idea. Forget I ever asked." She got up and turned to walk out.

"Relax, Alicia. I'll look up the files. Come back Monday and we'll talk," David called out after her.

§§§

John pressed the button on his key fob to unlock his car. The rest of his lunch with the Rhodes had been pleasant but he still didn't know what to make of Ashley. She was beautiful and seemed outgoing and friendly enough on the surface, but there was also something… secretive about her.

"Sorry about that. Grandma gets carried away sometimes." John turned to find Ashley standing a few feet away. Her smile looked uncertain.

"Oh, no, that's fine, really," he said, giving her a reassuring smile.

"I understand if you want out, you know," she said with a shrug. "Of the date, I mean." She looked at the ground in front of her.

"No, it's okay. Really."

"Okay then. But just so you know…" She sighed and looked up at him again, and he was taken aback by the defiant look in her eyes. "She was wrong, you know."

"About what?"

"Me. Being single. I've been in a relationship for the past three years."

"Really? But then…"

"Why haven't I told her?" Ashley chuckled, but there was no joy in her voice. "That's… Complicated."

"Okay…" John really didn't know what else to say. He could see the sadness in her eyes, but didn't know her well enough to offer comfort.

"Look. It's actually none of your business, okay? I just told you so you wouldn't, you know… Expect anything from me. I'll go to the gala with you—but that's it." She crossed her arms and raised her chin, as if daring him to try and change her mind.

"Ashley, you don't have to…"

"Just meet me there at seven, you don't have to pick me up or anything." With that, she turned around and walked away.

John slowly shook his head as he watched her go. He really didn't know her well enough to feel comfortable prying into her private business, but he realized he might not have a choice. From a professional standpoint he needed to find out who she was dating. The guy had to somehow be bad news for the Rhodes name if she'd kept him hidden for three years.

* * *

**A/N 2: When you review, please tell me how you feel about reading M-rated stuff. I'm thinking of putting some of that in future chapters, unless it makes a lot of you quit reading. If I do put it in, I will mark it clearly so you can skip it if it's not your thing.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Wow. After the most recent episode, could this story BE any more AU? LOL.**

**Anyway... Thanks for your comments on my question in the last chapter. M-rated scenes will definitely be part of this story. Just not in this chapter yet (sorry for making you wait, I thought there should be some build-up first). I am still amazed at all the love this story is getting from all of you, thank you so much!**

* * *

The road in front of the Four Seasons was jammed with limousines. It seemed like everyone that meant something in the political landscape of Illinois had come out to the Rhodes gala. Which was probably the case, Alicia thought as she got out of the limo that had driven Peter and her here and took her husband's arm. No one wanted to miss the opportunity to get in the billionaire's good graces with an election year coming up. Peter included.

She pasted her usual smile on her face as they started walking up the steps leading up to the hotel's entrance. The steps had been covered in red carpet for the event, a crowd of reporters, camera crews and photographers lining up behind the ropes that had been placed on either side.

"Mr. and Mrs. Florrick! A picture please!" They posed almost automatically, as they had hundreds of times before. As they slowly made it up to the hotel, they both paused every few steps to answer questions they'd answered hundreds of times before. The smile didn't leave Alicia's face for a second, but she caught herself secretly wondering why she hadn't just canceled on Peter. She was too tired after a hard day of work to do more work—and that's what this was.

When they finally made it all the way upstairs, another photographer stepped in their path, not held back by the ropes. They assumed their usual pose and the man snapped a few shots.

"Okay, thank you. Could I get a few pictures of just Mrs. Florrick? To go with your interview in the Sunday paper," he explained, and Alicia felt her smile falter a bit as she cast a sideways glance at Peter. He raised his eyebrows, but only marginally.

"Sure, go ahead," Peter said, stepping away from her.

Alicia posed for the picture, the photographer thanked her and Peter came back to her side, giving no outward indication of anything being amiss. But when Alicia placed her hand on his arm again, she noticed his tension. And when she looked up, she saw that his jaw was set tighter than it had been before.

_Just downplay it if he asks_, she told herself, as she kept right on smiling. _Just a puff piece, nothing to worry about._

§§§

John looked around the hotel bar, looking for Ashley. She'd told him she would meet him here, but she was nowhere in sight. He checked his watch. Five past seven. Well, maybe she got held up in the traffic jam outside. He might as well have a drink while he waited.

He signaled the bartender and asked for a mineral water. Just when his drink arrived, so did Ashley, looking like a supermodel in her slinky black cocktail dress, her blond hair falling around her slender face in a wave of soft curls. The sadness he'd seen in her eyes yesterday had gone. Instead, the twinkle was back.

"Hello, handsome," she said, giving him an appreciative once-over.

"Ashley, hi—You look beautiful."

"Thanks." She leaned in, placed her hand on his shoulder and purred, "So, you ready to go have some fun?" Her hand slid down to his back in a very obvious caress, making him tense. What was she doing?

"Um—I guess…" he managed to choke out. Ashley's hand disappeared from his back just before it would have reached his butt. He took a healthy drink of water, put his glass down and raised his eyebrows at her. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Just having a good time," she winked. "Come on—everybody's waiting for us." She grabbed his hand and pulled him with her in the direction of the lobby, from where they could enter the ballroom.

"Ashley?" John asked just before they reached the lobby. He stopped walking, making her do the same.

"Yes?"

"What changed?"

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday, you said…" She startled him by putting her index finger on his lips.

"Shh. Don't worry about it. That was yesterday. This is now. Come on, or we'll be late!" She turned and dashed from the bar, not looking back to see if he'd follow.

After a few more seconds of wondering what the hell had gotten into her, he did.

§§§

"What was that about?" Peter said in a low voice as they walked into the enormous ballroom. Women in evening gowns and men in tuxedoes milled around the room, forming small, fleeting groups under the large chandeliers that cast their soft glow onto the dance floor and the tables around it.

"What do you mean?" Alicia asked.

"The photographer said something about an interview… Oh—Mayor Davis, good to see you, sir. And Mrs. Davis, how are you this evening?" Peter shook the hands of the mayor and his wife, and Alicia did the same. They made some small talk and the mayor and his wife went to greet another couple. "So?" Peter asked Alicia as they walked over to the next group of people.

"It was just a puff piece, Peter." Alicia made sure to put just the right amount of exasperation into her voice. "If you're worried about—Hello, Sylvia. Ed. How have you been?" Again, they stopped to shake hands and make small talk. "If you're worried about your reputation, don't be. This time it was all about me for a change," Alicia said to Peter in a low voice as the group broke up and they started walking again.

"Really." Peter scoffed. "Not a single question about your marriage? About our working relationship?" He gave her a slightly incredulous glance, a muscle in his jaw jumping.

Alicia stopped walking, forcing him to stand still as well. "As hard as you may find it to believe, the world doesn't revolve around you, Peter. I'm a politician now too, and people want to know who I am." Her jaw was starting to ache due to the smile still pasted on her face. "The reporter asked about my background, my work experience. My personality. Would you let it go?"

"For now." He narrowed his eyes. "But I'm warning you…"

"Mr. Governor, Mrs. Florrick. So glad you could make it," a man's voice said from behind Peter, who quickly schooled his expression into politeness again.

"Mr. Rhodes, good evening. The pleasure is all ours. This is my wife, Alicia." The warm smile on Peter's face as he went back into politician mode and shook the billionaire's hand made Alicia hope he wouldn't mention the interview again tonight.

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Florrick. Congratulations on your win," Rhodes said as he took her hand. "Why don't you join us at our table?"

"Thank you, Mr. Rhodes. We would be honored to sit with you." Rhodes motioned for her to go ahead, and they walked to the table he had indicated, and where a woman Alicia assumed was Mrs. Rhodes was waiting for them in the company of a pregnant blond woman and a dark-haired man.

When they reached the table, Rhodes introduced the younger couple as his granddaughter Samantha and her husband Eric. Mrs. Rhodes chimed in to say that their other granddaughter and her date for the evening would join them in a few minutes. They all sat down and Alicia tried to relax as more small talk was made. But she couldn't escape a sense of impending doom every time Peter glanced her way. This was going to be a long night.

§§§

John was still trying to figure out who the real Ashley was—the sad, secretive woman he'd talked to yesterday, or the confident, seemingly carefree woman currently hanging on to his arm—when they entered the ballroom and started making their way towards the Rhodes table. Looking back later, he thought that was probably why he hadn't been the least bit prepared for what came next.

"Ugh—you have got to be kidding me…" He heard Ashley groan.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Look who's sitting at our table." Ashley nodded in the direction they were going.

John followed her gaze—and all thoughts on Ashley's odd behavior fled his mind as he saw Peter Florrick sitting there. And next to him…

"Aw, hell…" he muttered, not able to take his eyes off Alicia.

"Glad we agree," Ashley said, matter-of-factly. "He's such a slime ball, don't you think?"

John didn't say anything to her very apt description of Peter. He was too busy trying to figure out why the hell he hadn't realized sooner that of course they would be here too.

"Johnny? Are you coming?" Ashley tugged on his arm, making him realize he'd stopped walking. "It'll be fine—we'll just stay on the dance floor the entire time, so we don't have to talk to him. That will make Grandma happy as well," she whispered as they neared the table.

"Ah, there you are, Ashley! What took you so long? And Johnny, you look so handsome in that tux!" Mrs. Rhodes called out.

The party at the table turned as one to look at them, and John fought the urge to cast his eyes down. _He could do this._ He looked Alicia straight in the eyes, watched her jaw drop and her eyes widen. Saw her rise from her chair, as if she wanted to meet him halfway…

The buzz of conversations and soft music faded away and John's mouth went dry at the sight of her long red-and-pink evening gown that left one of her shoulders bare. His fingers ached to touch her soft skin…

"Elfman, that's a surprise!" Peter said, shattering the moment. "I thought you said John was in LA," he continued to Alicia.

She blinked, as if coming to her senses, and sat back down. "I—He was... You were!" Alicia crossed her arms, giving John an almost accusatory glance.

"Um, yes. I was. I came back." Hell, was that really the best he could come up with? He opened his mouth to try again, when Ashley spoke up.

"And I, for one, am glad you did. Now, shall we sit down, or do you want to stand here all night?" She didn't wait for his response, just tugged him, none too gently, towards the other side of the table. As soon as they were seated, she smiled at him seductively. Then she leaned into him, put her mouth to his ear and whispered, "Are you nuts? Stop looking at her like that! Florrick does have eyes, you know…"

* * *

**If you want to see the dress I pictured Alicia in, check out my profile! I'll put a link to the dress there.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating! My muse was being a bit annoying. But here it is at last :) Special thanks to Elize, who pointed me to an inspiring dancing scene from another show.**

**This story is turning out longer than I'd expected it to in the beginning, but I'm having a blast writing it.**

**Also: wow. 90 reviews. I'm stunned. Thank you all very much, I love reading everyone's thoughts!**

* * *

Alicia tried not to be too obvious about stretching her neck in an attempt to see where Peter was. They'd been headed back towards their table from the dance floor when they ran into the head of some education committee and his wife. Peter had offered to get everyone a drink as soon as introductions were out of the way. That was ten minutes ago, and she hadn't seen him since.

Which meant she was now stuck listening to seemingly endless stories about pets and grandchildren. These people were the kind of couple that finished each other's sentences, so Alicia couldn't get a word in. She was just about to get rude and interrupt a story that had it all—a labradoodle, the tooth fairy _and_ the cutest grandson in the world!—by saying she needed to go to the ladies room, when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Alicia, there you are."

"Oh—John. Um, hi."

John put his hand in the small of her back as he came to stand beside her. It seemed to burn right through the silk of her dress, making her stomach flutter. "I'm sorry, but I have to steal this lovely lady away from you now." He flashed a charming smile at the older couple.

"What are you doing?" Alicia muttered as he guided her back to the dance floor without waiting for a reply.

"What I've wanted to do all night." He pulled her closer and took her hand in the basic dancing position. Right on cue, the band started playing a slow dance song. He leaned in, making her heart speed up as she breathed in his scent. "You look beautiful," he whispered, and the sensation of his breath on her cheek sent a shiver down her spine.

"John…" She created some distance between them when all she wanted to do was melt into him. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Really? It feels like a great idea." He was right. It did feel great. That's what made it a bad idea in the first place.

Alicia knew she needed to break the spell, before she would do something stupid—like kiss him in the middle of a crowded ballroom… Realizing she was staring at his mouth, she made herself look away—and saw Ashley walking towards the bar. The sight of the blonde, who had been very openly flirting with John every chance she got, provided exactly the cold shower Alicia needed.

"Ashley seems—nice," she lied, looking back at John.

"You think so?"

"Well, she's very… friendly."

"I guess." He sighed. "She annoys the hell out of me, actually."

"Really? Then why are you dating her?"

"I'm not. Not really. Just for tonight." He sighed. "I mean…" His voice trailed off, as if he was unsure how to explain his relationship to Ashley.

"John, you don't have to explain. It's okay." Alicia averted her gaze as her mind replayed his words from their phone conversation. _It was just a one-night stand. No big deal…_ Apparently, it really wasn't a big deal to him. Her eyes shot back to his face when he muttered a curse. "What's wrong?"

"Your dress."

She glanced down, checking for tears or stains, anything out of the ordinary, but her dress looked as it always had. She looked at him again with raised eyebrows. "What about it?"

"It makes me want to…" He faltered and she felt his hand on her back tighten as an almost pained expression flashed on his face. "It makes it hard for me to think straight."

"Oh," Alicia breathed. Her pulse started racing as she watched his gaze drop to her mouth. Somewhere in the back of her mind it registered that the song ended and the band announced they were going to take a break, but it didn't seem to matter.

What mattered was that John was going to kiss her. Right here, where everyone could see them. She knew she should stop him, but…

"I'd like my wife back now, Elfman." Peter spoke softly, but the steely undertone in his voice was hard to miss.

§§§

For a brief moment, John wanted to go ahead and kiss Alicia anyway. But she tensed up in his arms at the sound of Peter's voice, breaking the spell. Then she stepped back, and he let her go. He took a deep breath as common sense kicked in again. Her campaign was over, he wasn't her campaign manager anymore, but neither of them could afford to get caught up in a scandal at this point. And, as Peter had just reminded him, she was married.

"Relax, Peter. It was just a dance," Alicia said, exasperation in her voice. Looking back at John, she smiled. "Thanks, John. I'll see you later." It sounded like a promise.

John ignored Peter's deepening frown and his own growing urge to punch the man in the face and smiled back at her. "Anytime," he said.

"Johnny, I've been looking all over for you!" Ashley flung herself at him, nearly knocking him over, from behind. "Come on, I need you to buy me another drink," she slurred as she stepped between him and Alicia. "The bartender won't let me have anymore! Can you believe that?"

"Well, maybe you've had enough then," he muttered, peeling her arms from around his neck. Looking up, he saw Peter put his hand on Alicia's back, herding her towards the exit of the ballroom. She shook off his hand and looked back at John and Ashley, a frown on her face.

"You could just say thank you. I just saved your ass." The slur was gone from Ashley's voice, the pout had vanished from her face. "Flor-prick looked about ready to punch you."

"I didn't need your help. And stop throwing yourself at me. I'm not interested," John said. Her constant flirting had been a pain in the ass all night.

Ashley chuckled. "I know, that was very clear. And don't worry. You have nothing to fear from me. I told you—I'm taken."

"Right. The mystery guy you're dating." John rolled his eyes.

She gave him an odd look, then sighed. "Who said it was a guy?" she asked.

"What?"

"I'm dating a woman. I'm gay. Now pick your jaw up from the floor and buy me a drink." It was her turn to roll her eyes when she saw his frown. "I'm not drunk, John. But you can buy me a mineral water if that makes you feel more comfortable."

§§§

Alicia sank into the backseat of the limo with a sigh. Ignoring Peter, she turned her head and looked out the window. This whole evening had been a total mess. First the photographer alerting Peter she'd been talking to a reporter, then the unexpected shock of seeing John again. And to top it all off, she'd nearly kissed him. If Peter hadn't interrupted… She closed her eyes. If Peter hadn't interrupted, she would have only given him more ammunition to use against her when she finally filed for divorce. She didn't need David Lee to tell her that.

"It's him, isn't it?" Peter said, when they were halfway to her apartment.

"What?" Alicia asked. She didn't bother opening her eyes to look at him.

"Why you suddenly want to divorce me. It's because of Elfman."

She sighed. "No, Peter. It isn't." At least, not entirely. "It's because of me."

"That's not what it looked like back there."

"It was just a dance, Peter. That's what people do at a gala. They dance."

"Oh, come on, Alicia. I'm not blind!" Peter scoffed. "Did you sleep with him?"

"Are you still sleeping with Ramona?" Alicia countered, finally turning her head to look at him.

"Why do you keep bringing that up? This is not about Ramona!" The way he avoided her gaze was all the answer she needed.

"You're right, it's not," she admitted, and when he opened his mouth again, she added, "But it's not about John either. This is about me and you."

"You mean it's about you being selfish."

"Selfish?" Alicia clenched her hands together in her lap to prevent herself from slapping him. "I gave up my dreams when I married you. I have stood by you for years, even when you screwed up again and again. I let you use me in every way imaginable when it came to putting on the charade of the happy marriage. I…"

"A charade that came in handy when you suddenly decided to run for office yourself!"

"Oh, so you did one thing for me in return. One. And now I'm supposed to—what, Peter? Be forever grateful to you? Well, I won't. It was the least you could do for me, and you know it!"

The limo parked in front of her building and Alicia didn't hesitate. She grabbed the door handle, threw the door open and started to get out—only to feel Peter's hand close around her arm in an iron grip and yanking her back inside.

"Get your hands off me," she said in a low voice. She knew he would never physically harm her, no matter how bad things got between them, but she wasn't planning on just letting him manhandle her like this.

"In a minute. You listen first, and you listen good," he said, loosening his grip but not letting go completely. "I put you in office. I can just as easily get you out again. Do you understand?"

Alicia yanked her arm from his hand. "Yes, I know. You still have your damn file. Well, you know what, Peter? I don't give a…"

"The file is just the beginning," he said, leaning back. "File for divorce and you'll see. Now get the hell out."

§§§

Now that Ashley had dropped the act, she was a lot less annoying. They had gone out for some air and were now leaning on the railing of the balcony that spanned the length of the ballroom, John still reeling from her earlier revelation.

"Why haven't you told them?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"It's just… Not that easy." Ashley sighed and sipped from her mineral water. "When our parents died, my grandparents took me and Samantha in and they've been looking for suitable marriage candidates ever since. They believe in traditional families, you know? They can't help that, it's just… all they know. They're from a different generation." She shrugged. "I was sixteen when I started finding out who—what—I was. I was terrified. I didn't want to be different! So I pretended I was just like everyone else. It got easier after a while."

"So you're just going to… what, keep on pretending some more? At the expense of your own happiness?"

Ashley chuckled. "Look who's talking."

"Excuse me?"

"I saw the way you were looking at her when you danced, John. You love her. And yet you're here, talking to me instead of going after her."

"That's different." John looked away from her challenging gaze. "She's married."

"Oh, come on! That marriage is a joke and you know it. She knows it, too. Hell, everyone in Illinois knows it, including my grandparents! Grandma told me they don't even live together, for God's sake!" She smirked at him. "So, again, what are you still doing here?"

John thought of Alicia, alone in her apartment. In that dress. His body immediately reacted to the image, to the remembered feel of her in his arms. He'd come back to Chicago planning to stay away from her. One dance with her had shot that plan to hell. Screw the plan, he thought, draining his glass and putting it down. He wanted to be with her. Even though he knew she would never divorce Peter. _I'll see you later,_ she'd said, and it had sounded like a promise. It was time to take her up on it.

§§§

Alicia poured herself a glass of wine, the bottle clinking softly against the glass when her hand shook a little. She should have slapped Peter when she had the chance. She put the bottle down on the counter with a bit more force than necessary, picked up the glass and drank. So he thought he could just threaten and blackmail her into not divorcing him? Well, she'd show him…

The doorbell rang, interrupting her silent rant. Taking her wineglass with her, she brusquely walked to the door and opened it to find John standing on the other side.

"What do you want?" It came out harsher than she meant, but she didn't apologize. She was too fed up with everything that had happened tonight, including the mixed signals he had been giving her all night.

"You," he stated simply.

"Really? What happened to Ashley? Was she too drunk?" Alicia drank from her wine as she challenged him with her gaze. She was in no mood to make it easy for him.

"Alicia." John took a step towards her and leaned in close, his blue eyes filled with heat. "I don't know why you're acting like this, but you better ask me to come inside."

Her mouth went dry and her heart started pounding in her ears as her breathing quickened. "Why?" she whispered.

"Because if you don't, I'll take you out here. That's how much I want you right now."

* * *

**P.S.: For those of you who have been asking about Conflicted Heart, I will pick that back up after I've finished this one. I will rewrite the first couple of chapters to incorporate Alicia's point of view, because I've realized that that's what I'm missing in it.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Over one hundred reviews ( 17, you rock)! Wow. Thank you for all the love for this story. And welcome new readers!**

**Talk about love... How about a little love scene? I figured you've all waited long enough ;) I've clearly marked the start and end of it, if love scenes aren't your thing you can easily skip it)**

**Enjoy! **

**(Writing love scenes is hard, btw, so sorry if it doesn't meet your expectations)**

* * *

Alicia sucked in a breath as the frustration and anger she'd felt since getting home gave way to something else entirely. The picture John's words painted in her mind—him shoving up her dress and backing her into the hallway wall—was so powerful that she felt her core muscles clench in sudden, desperate need.

His eyes darkened and that was the only warning she got before he put his hands on her hips and crushed her mouth under his in a kiss that made her head spin and her knees buckle. His tongue ran along her bottom lip, demanding access and she granted it, putting the hand not holding the wineglass at his nape, urging him to deepen the kiss. It wasn't enough, she needed to get closer to him...

He broke the kiss, and she moaned at the loss.

"Inside," she heard him mutter through the thickening haze of lust that was taking over her brain.

Right. Inside would be better.

**M-RATED PART STARTS HERE - M-RATED PART STARTS HERE - M-RATED PART STARTS HERE**

Alicia led the way. She barely had time to put her wineglass on a side table before John's arms came around her from behind, his hands sliding upward over her stomach—and stopping just short of the undersides of her breasts.

He pulled her against him and his hot breath sent a shudder through her body when he whispered, "God, this dress is driving me crazy."

Then his mouth was on that sweet spot between her neck and her shoulder and one of his hands was cupping her breast while the other traveled down to her mound, cupping her there through the silk, and she forgot that she had wanted to tell him to rip the damn dress off of her already. She wasn't wearing a bra, and she heard John utter a hungry groan when he felt her nipple poke through the smooth fabric. But he left it alone to knead and caress the soft flesh around it instead. That wouldn't do…

Trying to get him to touch her nipple, Alicia wriggled—and her butt came in contact with his hard length, making him hiss and press his hips against her. The hand between her legs tightened, and wetness surged. John must have felt it through the layers of fabric, because he made an appreciative sound. And he finally touched her nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger until she couldn't take anymore…

"Turn around," he said, stepping back to give her room. She turned and wrapped her arms around him, sealing her mouth to his, while he lowered his hands to her hips and bunched up her dress. She gasped into his mouth when he put a hand inside her panties and ran a teasing finger through her folds, her hips jerking forward.

He kept tormenting her, plunging one, then two fingers inside while his thumb worked in its own delicious way, pressing and circling where she was most sensitive, bringing her to the edge in no time. Alicia could do nothing but cling to him. How did he know just how to touch her?

When her legs threatened to give out, he was there to support her, whispering in her ear to encourage her to let go. She arched into his hand, crying out when she toppled into pure ecstasy.

She slowly started to come down from her high, but got no time to make it all the way down to earth again before John lifted her up and carried her to her bedroom, where he set her down and started kissing her again. He put his hands on her butt to pull her against the part of him that was still hard and throbbing and Alicia rubbed herself against it, feeling her own excitement return and making them both moan.

There were too many layers between them, she decided. John seemed to reach the same conclusion, and they made quick work of getting their clothes out of the way before falling down on the bed together.

Alicia let her eyes roam his body, from his handsome face to his wide, muscular chest and well-defined abs—and lower. She wanted to touch him there… But when she reached out to do just that, he stopped her.

"I won't last if you do that," he warned, his voice sounding strained.

Touch him—or feel him inside her? That was a no-brainer. Sitting up, she reached into the drawer of her nightstand to retrieve a condom and handed it to him.

He quickly took care of protecting them before rolling her to her back and capturing her mouth with his. His hand traveled down her body, his fingers tracing a path of fire over her skin, until he touched her _there_ again, making sure she was ready for him.

Alicia let out a whimper when he withdrew his hand, but it turned into a sigh of pleasure when she felt the tip of him nudge her entrance. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, welcoming him as he slid home in one smooth thrust.

"God, you feel good," John ground out between clenched teeth.

Then he started to move. First in long, slow strokes, but that wasn't what she needed. Or what he needed. His thrusts became faster, he went deeper, took her harder, and she was right there with him, pressing her hips up to meet his in an effort to feel him even deeper inside her. Clenching her inside muscles to give them both even more pleasure.

The sound of their moans and rapid breathing filled the room, the air heavy with their mingled scent, as they both strained towards a release that seemed… just… out of reach… Until John worked a hand down between them and his thumb performed its wicked magic again.

Alicia felt herself shatter into a million pieces, kept from flying in all directions only because he was there to hold her together, holding her tight as she convulsed around him again and again, sending him over the edge as well.

**END OF M-RATED PART - END OF M-RATED PART - END OF M-RATED PART**

§§§

The first light of dawn was peeking in through the window when John woke up from a deep sleep to find Alicia snuggled up to him, her head resting on his chest. He breathed in her scent and his mind started replaying memories of last night—their kisses, the urgency of their touches, Alicia falling apart in his arms twice—and he felt like the luckiest man alive.

Until he remembered her husband.

A sigh escaped him as reality kicked him in the gut. Yes, the sex had been… Perfect. But that didn't change the fact that it probably wouldn't lead to anything more, not with Peter in the mix.

Did he have it in him to be content with this never becoming more than a secret affair? With hiding and sneaking around, constantly aware of the risk of discovery? With never being able to hold her hand, kiss her, or even go out on a simple date with her, in public? He honestly didn't know.

John was staring at the ceiling, trying to figure it out, when he felt Alicia stir. "Hi," he whispered, when she raised her head and gave him a drowsy smile.

"Good morning," she replied in a husky voice, and he couldn't resist kissing her—a slow, leisurely kiss that had them both sighing in contentment.

§§§

Alicia came out of the shower to find John sitting at her kitchen table in nothing but his boxer shorts, looking at his phone. Apparently he hadn't heard her come out of the shower, and she took the opportunity to just look at him sitting there. Her mind went back to the very first time he'd sat there, going through opposition research with her and Eli.

Who would have thought back then that they would eventually end up like this? She sighed quietly. Whatever _this_ was… Last night had been great, but it had also been… unexpected. And even though she felt herself falling deeper and deeper in love with him, she still wasn't sure what she meant to him. After all, they hadn't done a lot of talking last night… That he'd come here instead of going home with Ashley after the gala was probably a good sign, but on the other hand… If he really cared for her, why had he gone to LA without saying goodbye? He had apologized for that on the phone, but he hadn't explained.

Yes, it was definitely time they did some serious talking, Alicia decided. And since today was Saturday and Grace was spending the weekend at Peter's… What better time to talk than now?

When she walked in, he looked up and she smiled at him—but her smile faded when she noticed his frown and the way he was clenching his jaws.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said, locking his phone and putting it down. "Coffee?" He got up to pour her a mug from the pot he'd apparently set when she was in the shower.

"Thanks," she said, taking the mug from him and studying his face. "Tell me what's wrong, John."

"I was checking the blogs. To see what they wrote about the gala. But then I saw another story pop up." He sighed. "About you."

"What does it say?"

"That you slept your way to the top." John took the mug from her hands and put it on the table, then took her hands in his. "It has pictures, too. And a copy of a credit card receipt."

"Me and Will. The presidential suite." Alicia looked down at their hands when he nodded. "That bastard!" she muttered.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Yes, this story is till alive... But sometimes real life has a tendency to get in the way of writing. Also, it was kind of a struggle to get this chapter out. I'm still not entirely happy with how it turned out, but it will have to do. As always, thanks for all your support, and for reviewing!**

* * *

John ignored the sudden sting of jealousy when Alicia confirmed what he'd suspected all along. Being jealous of a dead man was pointless. Besides, his feelings weren't the ones that really mattered here. Not now.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes—just feeling stupid. Damn it, I wish I'd divorced him years ago!"

"You mean… _Peter_ leaked this? Why?"

"Because of last night." Alicia pulled her hands from his and rubbed her arm before continuing. "He was really angry. I should have known he wouldn't let it go that easily."

"I don't understand. This is because… you danced with me?"

"Well, that—and…" She paused to take a deep breath. "He thinks you're the reason I'm divorcing him."

John blinked, his heart missing several beats. "You're… divorcing him? Why would you do that? You…"

"…Don't you dare tell me I need him. Or that we are a brand." Alicia put her hands on her hips and raised her chin. "Because I'm done with that crap. I can be a brand on my own."

"No—I mean yes, you can, but I wasn't going to say that. I just thought…" He faltered, making her raise her eyebrows in question. "Never mind. It doesn't matter now. Tell me what's going on, so we can figure out how to deal with it."

"We? John, you don't have to…"

"I want to," he cut her off. "Tell me, what happened?" Sitting down, he gestured for her to do the same.

Alicia hesitated briefly, and he could almost hear the wheels in her head spinning. Then she sat down across from him, wrapping her hands around the coffee mug, and told him everything that had happened with Peter since the _Good Morning Chicago_ interview.

John listened without interrupting her, but it was hard. Especially since the more she told him about Peter's blackmail file and the way he had treated her in the limo, the more he started wishing he had planted his fist in Peter's face when he had the chance last night.

"Show me your arm," he said when she finished her story.

"What? Why?"

John just looked at her, until he saw understanding dawn in her eyes. She rolled up her sleeve and showed him her arm. There were no bruises, and John released a sigh. "Okay," he said.

"Peter would never hurt me, John—Well, not physically." Alicia rolled her sleeve back down. "So, what do I do now? I focused on integrity in the interview with Davenport, because I really thought Peter would go for the Sweeney thing. I figured that would hurt my position the most. And now… This." She sighed and looked at the table in front of her for a moment. When she looked back up, she had a sad smile on her face. "It isn't even true… I didn't 'sleep my way to the top'. I loved Will. And he loved me."

"We'll figure it out." John gave her a reassuring smile and secretly wondered how the hell he was supposed to compete against a dead man. But first things first. He exhaled quietly and got up. "Just give me a couple of minutes to shower and get dressed, okay?"

§§§

While Alicia waited for John to come back, she drank coffee and tried to ignore the urge to go read the story on her laptop. But by the time her mug was empty, she couldn't ignore it any longer. It was either read the story or call Peter to tell him just what she thought of this low blow. She went to get her laptop.

She found the story on the first news site she opened and was still reading it when John came out of the bathroom, wearing his tuxedo shirt and pants again. The wrinkled appearance of the clothes didn't do anything to make the man wearing them look any less attractive, she noticed as she closed the laptop. Her mind wanted to cling to that, to distract her from the current crisis, but she wouldn't let it. Instead, she got up and poured them more coffee.

"Thanks," he said when she handed him his mug. "Okay. The way I see it, we need to…"

"John," she stopped him. "I've been thinking, and you—you really shouldn't get involved in this. You…"

"I'm already involved." He looked at her intently. "And again, not because I _have_ to be. I _want_ to be. Okay?" He smiled.

Alicia felt her throat close up at the look in his eyes. Unable to speak, she just nodded.

"Okay," he said. "So, the way I see it, we need to get your side of the story out as soon as possible. When will the interview you gave Trent Davenport be published?"

"Tomorrow."

"Perfect. I'll call him, tell him to come here for an additional interview." He checked his watch. "If I do it now, he'll probably have enough time to do the interview and add it to his story before the paper is printed. And he can put it on their website even sooner."

"But it's Saturday, won't he be…"

"He's a reporter. They work twenty-four-seven. Where's my phone?"

He put his coffee mug on the table and went looking for his phone, leaving Alicia to wonder what, exactly, he wanted her to tell Davenport. Her side of the story was kind of the same as what the blogger had put out there—well, minus the sleeping herself to the top bit, of course. John came back in, phone pressed to his ear, already talking to the reporter. She sipped her coffee and waited, her gaze following him as he paced the kitchen. She was trying to look calm, but she wasn't sure if she was pulling it off.

"Okay, he'll be here in thirty minutes," John said when he was done talking to Davenport. "That means we have exactly fifteen minutes to prep you. Sit down."

"Why do we need to do it in fifteen minutes?" Alicia asked as she sat down.

"Because I can't be here when he arrives. He'll take one look at us and…"

"…Right. Of course. Got it." Alicia felt a blush creep up to her cheeks as their gazes met and held across the table, images of last night playing through her mind. She looked away and took a deep breath. "Okay. So what do I tell him? Do I need to… go into detail?" Looking back at him she found him looking intently at his coffee mug. "John?"

"What?" His head shot up. "Um—no. No need for details. Keep it simple. Here's what you say."

As Alicia listened to him, she felt her tension ease a little. His instructions made perfect sense, as usual. When he was done talking, she quickly summarized everything he'd said. Looking at the clock, she saw that only ten minutes had passed since he'd started talking.

"Good. Now I really should get out of here, in case Davenport shows up early," he told her as he got up.

"John—wait. We've only talked about Will. What if he asks about Peter?" She got up as well.

"Just do what you did on _Good Morning Chicago_. Distance yourself from him, but don't say anything specific. You'll do great."

"You—you saw it? _Good Morning Chicago_? In LA?"

"Um, yes. I—I watched online. You were great." He looked at his feet for a moment. "Look, Alicia… I really need to go now, but… Is it okay if I come back? Later?"

He looked just as awkward as he had that first night, in the hallway, and Alicia couldn't stop herself from kissing him. But she did make herself stop before it could get out of hand. "I'll call you as soon as Davenport leaves," she whispered when she let him go.

§§§

As John drove out of the parking garage under Alicia's building, there was a smile on his face. He had no doubt that Alicia would do just fine in the interview. He licked his lips and could still taste her, and that made his smile even wider. He couldn't wait to go back to her.

But he needed to change his clothes first, and he still had to check the rest of the blogs to see what they wrote about the gala. He'd go to his apartment, change and then work for a few hours before going to the liquor store and buy a bottle of Alicia's favorite red wine. They could have dinner at her place tonight, make it seem like a real date, even if they couldn't eat out. Having dinner would also give them the chance to finally really talk. He realized there was a lot to talk about.

He was halfway to his apartment when his phone started ringing in the car kit. The caller ID indicated it was Trevor Rhodes.

"Mr. Rhodes, good morning!" he answered—and was greeted by nothing more than vague background noises. "Mr. Rhodes? Hello?" Maybe the old man had pocket-dialed? John was just about to break the connection when Ashley's voice came from the speaker.

"John? Are you there?" She sounded… strange.

"I'm here. Everything alright?"

"No. You need to get over here. Right n-now." Her voice broke on the last word, and John frowned. Something was definitely wrong.

"Why? What's going on?"

She started sobbing. John pulled over to the side of the street and stopped the car, so he could give her his full attention.

"Ashley. Calm down and tell me where you are," he said in his most authoritative tone, hoping to snap her out of it. Apparently it worked, because she took a deep, shaking breath as her sobbing subsided a little. Then she said two words that had immediately checking for oncoming traffic, because he needed to make a U-turn. Seeing none, he quickly put the car in drive again. "Okay. I'll be there in ten minutes," he said.

He broke the connection and put his foot down on the accelerator, all thoughts of Alicia forgotten for the moment.

§§§

"Thank you," Trent Davenport said as she handed him a cup of coffee. He waited until she was seated across from him before continuing, "Okay, Johnny said you wanted me to rewrite the previous interview…"

"Not rewrite, just add to it." Alicia started crossing her legs under the table, then thought better of it and crossed at the ankles instead. She had opted for a glass of water herself, which she took a sip from as she calmly looked at him. "As you know, a story about me getting involved with my former boss has surfaced, and I want people to know that story is incorrect."

"You didn't sleep with Mr. Gardner?" He sounded skeptical.

"No, that part is true. I did have an affair with Will…" Her throat constricted, and Alicia had to take a deep breath before she could continue. Thinking of Will, talking about him… It still got to her. "That affair was not, however, a way to… to further my career."

"Could you elaborate on that?"

"Certainly. What happened between Will and me, was simply something that happens to millions of people all over the world, every day. We fell in love. It was wrong to act on those feelings, because I was married. That's why I ended things with Will. Because I wanted to focus on my family again."

"So you are saying that you made a mistake in acting on your feelings, but corrected it in the end," Davenport summarized, looking up from the old-fashioned notebook he'd been scribbling in.

"Yes." _Keep it simple. _Even if everything inside her rebelled to the notion of what she'd had with Will being labeled a mistake. Once again, it didn't matter what had really happened. It was all about the greater truth, she reminded herself.

His next question gave her the chance to address that, as John had predicted. "And would you say that your integrity as a politician is still intact, even now you've been caught with your pants down, so to speak?"

"Mr. Davenport, I realize that politicians are held to higher standards than other people, and rightfully so. But you have to understand that even politicians have a past. My affair with Will began and ended before I ever thought of getting into politics. Back then, I just wanted to be a lawyer. So, yes. I believe my integrity as the State's Attorney is still very much intact."

When she saw Davenport nod his head in apparent agreement as he scribbled in his notebook some more, Alicia felt her stomach settle. During the rest of the interview, she successfully navigated her way through questions about her marriage and about the impact of Will's death on her political views. Thirty minutes later they were done.

After closing the door behind Davenport, Alicia immediately went to get her phone from the living room dresser, where it had been charging, and dialed John's number. "The coast is clear," she greeted him when he picked up.

"Hi. Um, listen, I can't talk right now. Can I call you back?"

Alicia was just about to ask him why he was whispering, when she heard an urgent female voice in the background calling his name. She frowned. "John? What's going on? Where are you?"

"Sorry, Alicia, I have to go now. But I'll call you as soon as I can, okay?" John whispered.

Before she could say anything in response, he was gone. Alicia slowly lowered her phone, trying to think of a reasonable explanation for John being with Ashley Rhodes instead of at home, where he'd told her he was going. Or _was_ he at home… and was Ashley there with him?

The doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts. Davenport must have forgotten something, she figured as she walked to the front door. But it wasn't the reporter.

"Alicia. Can I come in? I need to talk to you," Peter said.

* * *

**I have a couple of busy weeks ahead of me, so I'm not sure how much time I will have to work on this story. But I'll update as soon as I can!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: You can thank the love of my life for working late a couple of nights, giving me time to write despite my own busy schedule ;) Just don't get used to this. Next week I'll be on a short vacation, so next update will take longer than usual.**

**We're entering home stretch in this story, although I do have a few more chapters up my sleeve after this one (and yes, more sexy stuff to come in one of those chapters - you didn't think I would leave you with just that one M-rated scene, did you? *wink*).**

**Joey - no need to apologize, reviews are very much appreciated, but I'm happy you're reading regardless!**

**Tgwfan - don't worry, abandoning stories is not my thing :)**

* * *

"You think I'm going let you in after what you did to me? Think again, Peter. Just say whatever it is you need to tell me and leave." Alicia crossed her arms and arched her eyebrows at her husband.

Peter sighed. "Look, Alicia, I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have…"

"Last night? To hell with last night! I'm talking about this morning!"

"This…?" His brow furrowed in apparent confusion. Then his eyes widened. "You think I leaked that story about you and Will?"

"Oh, come on. I know you did, Peter, so don't deny it! But you know what?" Alicia lowered her voice to a loud whisper as she got right in his face. "Leak all you want. I won't let that stop me. I won't let you bully me into not divorcing you…"

"Good."

"And I won't accept—What?" She blinked when her mind processed what he'd said. "What did you say?"

"I said, good. Now, can I come in? The divorce is exactly what I came here to talk about. And I'd rather not do it out here." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed again. "Please?"

Stunned, Alicia stepped aside and let him enter. As he passed her, she noticed the bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept at all. She frowned and shook her head, then closed the door and followed him into the living room. He stood by the window, his back turned to her.

"I've had… a lot on my plate," he started, turning to face her.

"Yeah? Well, so have I. And you're not helping," she bit out.

"I know… I'm sorry I've been such a jerk lately."

_What? Another apology?_ "And saying sorry is supposed to make that okay?"

"No, of course not…" He shook his head on another sigh. "How did we end up like this? We used to love each other so much." He sounded genuinely surprised. "Well, anyway. I just came to say… I've already destroyed the file. I did it last night, actually. And I won't fight the divorce."

Alicia's jaw dropped. "What? But… How… _What?_" She walked to the couch and sat down, her legs suddenly shaky. "What's going on, Peter?"

"Ramona." He avoided her eyes. "She told me to finally choose between you and her."

"And you're choosing her." Alicia waited for an emotion to go with her statement. Hurt. Jealousy. Anger. Relief, even. Anything. But she just felt… empty.

"I—I have to." He bent his head. "She's pregnant. I want to do the right thing this time. I'm sorry, Alicia."

Where she'd felt empty before, she was now experiencing bone-deep exhaustion, as her mind immediately painted a very clear picture of the new scandal that he was bringing down on her and her children. "_This_ time, Peter?" Even her voice sounded tired.

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "Lauren is mine, too."

Again, Alicia waited. For shock or surprise, this time. But again, nothing came.

§§§

The two words Ashley had whispered over the phone were printed neatly on the styrofoam coffee cup John was currently holding, while leaning against the wall under a sign that said cellphones should be turned off. _Mercy Hospital_. Ashley and Mrs. Rhodes had left the ER waiting area ten minutes ago, following the doctor who had come to get them.

According to what Ashley had told him when he arrived an hour ago, she and her grandparents had been eating breakfast when her grandfather had suddenly started complaining about chest pains. Just when they were about to call the family physician to come check him out, the old man had dropped to the floor. After having rushed him to the hospital, the doctors had started working on him. When things had started to look bad, Ashley had taken her grandfather's phone and called John with it.

He was just taking another sip of coffee when the double doors opened and Ashley and Mrs. Rhodes came out, looking tired and pale—but they weren't crying. John took that as a good sign. He straightened and went to meet them.

"How is he?" he asked.

"Well, it was touch and go for a while, but the doctors now think he'll be okay," Ashley said. "They're keeping him for observation, but the surgery has apparently gone well."

"Thank God," Mrs. Rhodes added on a shaky sigh. "I really thought…" She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. She looked ready to collapse.

"Maybe you should sit down." John took her arm to guide her to one of the waiting room chairs. "Ashley, can you get your grandmother some water?" Ashley nodded and crossed the room to the water cooler.

"You are such a sweet young man." Mrs. Rhodes sank down on the chair. "Too bad Ashley's into women," she continued, casting a worried glance across the room.

"She told you?" That surprised him, after the conversation he'd had with Ashley on the balcony last night.

"This morning. Right before Trevor…" She took a deep breath. "I've suspected for years, though. So has Trevor—Thank you, dear." She took the cup Ashley handed her.

"You… You knew all along?" Ashley said. Her face was pale, her eyes wide and glistening with tears. "Grandpa too?"

"We suspected, dear."

"And… You're both… Okay with it?" The younger woman impatiently wiped away the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Of course we are. We love you, no matter what." Mrs. Rhodes handed John the water and pulled her granddaughter into her embrace. "So you have nothing to feel guilty about, you hear? You did not cause what happened."

Ashley broke down crying. John was beginning to feel like an intruder here, so he backed away from them and put his coffee cup and Mrs. Rhodes' water on a table. When he put his hands into his pockets, his fingers brushed his phone and that made his mind turn to Alicia. He needed to call her, after hanging up on her like that. Catching Mrs. Rhodes' gaze, he gestured he was going downstairs to make a call. She nodded and waved him off.

On the way downstairs, he ran into Eric and Samantha, who had reluctantly gone to get breakfast thirty minutes earlier. "Any news?" Eric asked John.

"He's going to be fine," he assured them and they hurried towards the waiting area. John continued his way downstairs and took his phone out as soon as he stepped outside, dialed her number and waited for her to pick up.

§§§

Alicia jumped when her phone started vibrating in her hand. She'd completely forgotten that she was still holding it. She declined the call without even a single glance at the caller ID and put the device facedown on the coffee table. At least the interruption had served to break through her numbness after Peter's revelations, and a thought she'd had earlier surfaced again.

"So, if you destroyed your little blackmail file on me… Who leaked the story?" she asked him.

Peter gaped at her. "_That's_ your first question? I just told you…"

"Yes, Peter. I know. You just told me all about your problems. Because that's what they are. _Your_ problems. I had _nothing_ to do with you getting Ramona pregnant. Twice. So excuse me for focusing on my own problems for a change."

"You don't think the end of our marriage is your problem too?" He was clenching his teeth now, looking ready to explode.

"As far as I'm concerned, our marriage ended years ago. We just need to finalize it. That's merely… Administration."

"What about Zach and Grace?" he spat. "Are they administration too?"

"Really, Peter? You're trying to make _me_ feel guilty about their feelings when _you're_ the one that caused this… this whole friggin'… mess?" Unable to stay seated any longer, she got up and got right in his face. "Maybe you should have thought of them _before_ you decided to screw everything up!"

"Don't you think I know that?" He took a step back and sighed, the anger draining from his face, his shoulders dropping in defeat. "Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could turn back time. Be a better man. A better father. But I can't."

"No. You can't." Alicia's anger subsided. She just couldn't hold on to it any longer, didn't want to waste any more of her emotions on him. "I'll get David to draw up the papers on Monday. Do you want to tell the kids together?"

Peter nodded. "That might be the best way."

"Okay. And Peter…" Alicia sighed. "If you really want to be a better man, a better father… You have the chance. With Ramona. Don't waste it." To her own surprise, she meant every word.

He chuckled, but there was no joy in the sound. "I'll try."

She walked him to the door, a weight dropping off her shoulders when he got on the elevator and the door closed behind him. Peter and his antics would be one less thing to worry about from now on.

When her phone started vibrating on the coffee table again, she was reminded of John. And Ashley. She still hadn't been able to come up with a reasonable explanation for them being… wherever they were… together. If that was him calling, she would demand he tell her the truth about what was going on with him and the blonde, she decided. And if she got even the smallest indication that he was lying…

It was him, Alicia saw when she rushed back into the living room and picked up the phone. She let her thumb hover over the green phone icon for a moment, then slowly put the phone back down and let the call go to voicemail.

Peter had lied to her for years and she'd been too blind to see it. What made her think she would know whether John was lying to her as well? Especially when talking on the phone, when it was easy to hide giveaways like body language and facial expressions?

He had told her he was going to his apartment. She thought she'd heard him mention something to Rhodes at the gala about renting his old one back, and she knew where that was.

Alicia grabbed her coat and purse and hurried down to the parking garage.

§§§

John left Alicia a short voicemail message and put his phone back in his pocket. He'd go back upstairs, but only to tell Mrs. Rhodes he was leaving, he decided. With the immediate danger to Rhodes' life gone, he probably wouldn't be needed at the hospital anymore. He could just as easily write up a press statement about the old man's health from Alicia's apartment, and he wanted to get there as soon as possible.

He turned to go back inside when Ashley came walking out. A bit of color had returned to her cheeks, but her eyes were still red and puffy. She gave him a watery smile.

"Grandma asked me to go pick up some of Grandpa's stuff. Could you give me a ride?" she asked. "My car is still at their house. I'd take the L, but since you're still here…"

"Sure, no problem. If you don't mind coming to my place first. I need to change my clothes before—my next appointment." His apartment was closer to the hospital than the Rhodes mansion.

"You do." She took in his rumpled tux and surprised him by giggling. "So, how's Mrs. Florrick doing?"

John chose not to answer that, heading for the parking lot instead. She caught up to him when he unlocked his car. The ten minute drive to his apartment went by in silence, Ashley leaning back with her eyes closed, John keeping his eyes on the road and his mind on Alicia.

John would rather have had Ashley wait for him in the car, but she asked to come upstairs because she needed to use the bathroom. He showed her where it was and then quickly went to change his clothes in the bedroom, opting for jeans and a white shirt. He was still buttoning up when he heard the doorbell. He wasn't expecting anyone, so maybe he should just ignore whoever it was. He didn't have time to buy girl scout cookies or whatever.

But then they rang the bell again. Sighing, John went to open the door. His sigh turned into a surprised smile when he saw who was on the other side.

"Alicia—hi. I was just on my way to…"

"Okay, ready when you are," came Ashley's voice from behind him. "Oh—hi, Mrs. Florrick…"

§§§

Alicia took in his appearance—his hair mussed, his shirt only half buttoned, his feet bare—and looked over his shoulder to where Ashley stood, straightening her skirt. Then she cast her eyes to the floor, swallowing the swelling wave of anger and hurt down before she lifted her gaze to his.

"Alicia? Are you alright?" He looked worried.

"Yes. Fine." She managed a smile. "Looks like you're busy, so I-I'll just…" she gestured vaguely towards the stairs, biting back the tears that threatened. Knowing the dam could break any moment now, she shook her head, turned and fled, his voice following her down the stairs.

"Alicia, wait!"

"You didn't _tell_ her?" Ashley shrieked, and then Alicia heard footsteps behind her and ran faster, her vision growing increasingly blurry because of the tears now spilling down her cheeks.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: The love for this story never ceases to amaze me… Thank you all so much! I am very sorry that I made you wait such a long time between updates! I've been dealing with some issues lately, and that didn't leave much time for writing. I'm figuring things out, but the next update may be a while again. **

**But I promise you, I will not abandon this story. Or the other story, Conflicted Heart. So please, stay with me!**

**Now, to make up for my long absence… This chapter is extra long and juicy. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!**

* * *

John ran downstairs, taking the stairs two at a time. He caught up with Alicia just as she reached the door that separated the lobby from the street. Grabbing her shoulder, he turned her around to face him and winced at the sight of her tearstained face.

"That was not what it looked like," he stated. "Ashley was just…" He faltered when he saw the flash of anger in her eyes.

"Spare me the lies and excuses." She pulled away from him, shaking off his hand. "I've heard enough of those from Peter to last me a lifetime."

John felt his jaw tighten. She was comparing him to Peter, of all people? But before he could say anything, she was talking again, resignation dripping from her voice.

"I'm a grown woman, John. I can handle the truth."

"What truth, exactly, are you talking about?"

"That you were already dating Ashley before you slept with me that first time. That she's the reason you came back from LA in the first place. I just wish you'd told me about her before we…"

"God _damn_ it, Alicia, would you shut up and listen before jumping to conclusions?" John cut her off. They stared at each other for long moments before he felt calm enough to continue. "First of all, you're wrong. Ashley is not the reason I came back. You are. And second, Ashley is…"

"You expect me to believe that? That you came back for me?" She laughed bitterly. "Come on, John. You didn't even care about me enough to say goodbye when you left!"

"So? I was just a one night stand to you anyway!" he shot back. He knew she felt hurt, but her lack of trust in him hurt him just as much. Right now, he just needed to get that out. He'd worry about her feelings later.

"What?"

"_Relax, John, it was just a one night stand_," he sneered, quoting her e-mail. "You made it pretty clear that you didn't have feelings for me."

"Well, for your information, I don't just hop into bed with any man who comes along!"

"And you think I do?" He had a hard time keeping his voice down. Yelling at her would go a long way in relieving the tension that was building up inside him, but it wouldn't really solve anything.

"You're half-naked and there's a beautiful blonde in your apartment with you! What am I supposed to think?" She seemed to have no qualms about yelling at him.

"You could have just listened to my explanation instead of…"

"Stop it! Both of you!" came Ashley's voice from the stairs, shocking them both into silence. "Alicia, this is all a huge misunderstanding. I'm not interested in John. Or any other man, for that matter. I'm gay." John heard Alicia's sharp intake of breath at that last statement. "And you," Ashley continued, glaring at John, "Are an asshole for not telling her that right after I told you."

She had a point there. If he'd told Alicia about Ashley last night, when she asked what happened to his date, they probably wouldn't be in this mess. Then again, would she have believed him? She seemed hell-bent on believing the worst about him.

Ashley came down the stairs and strode to the door. "Now, I'm leaving and you two are going upstairs and talk this out before one of your neighbors calls the police."

"But what about your…" John started, but she cut him off.

"Don't worry about that. I'll take the L home." With that, Ashley stepped outside.

"Ashley, wait!" Before the door could close behind her, John stopped it. "You sure you're gonna be alright?" he asked when she turned to face him.

"Yes." She smiled. "I'm a big girl."

"Okay…" He sighed. "Just promise you'll call me if there's any news." He could feel Alicia's eyes on him as he said it. "I'll write up a press release as soon as I can."

"I will. Thanks. For… everything," Ashley said, then walked away.

John let the door fall back and breathed deeply, trying to calm down before facing Alicia again. He didn't say anything, just looked at her as she looked back and forth between him and the door, her eyes filled with questions.

"W-what was that about?" she asked.

"Trevor Rhodes had a heart attack this morning," John said, and watched Alicia's hand fly up to her mouth in shock.

"Oh my God!"

"Yeah. That's what I said when Ashley called me. Right after I left your apartment. And right before I rushed to the hospital," he bit out. "See, that's where I was all morning. And if you had just listened to your damn voicemail instead of immediately assuming the worst about me, you would have known." John turned his back on her and went upstairs, not looking back to see if she'd follow.

§§§

Alicia stood at the bottom of the stairs and watched him go, clenching and unclenching her hands as she debated with herself. Should she follow him upstairs or just go home? And if she stayed, should she apologize to him or should he apologize to her?

"Damn it," she muttered, when he reached the first floor and stepped onto the landing, still not giving any indication that he knew she was still there. This would all be so much easier if there was some sort of rulebook she could follow. You'd think that as a lawyer, she knew how to handle a heated argument by now. But this was completely different from arguing in court. At least the arguments in court were rational. Logical. There was nothing logical or rational about this. There was no clarity in this mess, except…

Except for the fact that if she turned and walked away, she would be doing exactly the same to him as he had done to her on election night.

"John. Wait," she said.

He froze, and she saw him take a deep breath before he slowly turned around and gave her a questioning look. Okay. He'd stopped walking. He was looking at her. So far, so good. Now what?

Alicia swallowed and cleared her throat, but it still felt constricted when she started talking.

"Listen. I'm… I'm not very good at this. I shouldn't have… It's just… I called you, and you were with Ashley, and I just… I don't know. I guess I… God, why is this so hard?" She shook her head in frustration and took a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry."

John didn't say anything at first, and she was beginning to think he never would, when he finally opened his mouth. "Alicia, I…" he started, before pausing and shaking his head. "I'm sorry too." He dropped his gaze to the floor and sighed heavily. He looked tired, almost defeated.

Alicia felt her shoulders tense up, dread pooling in her stomach. This felt an awful lot like he was telling her that he was sorry that things hadn't worked out between them...

"So." He looked at her again, and her breath caught at his nervous smile and the vulnerability in his eyes. "Do you want to—come inside?"

For a moment, she could only stare at him while her mind processed the familiar phrase. But only for a moment, because her legs had already caught on. She climbed the stairs and registered the expression of profound relief on his face when she reached him. Then her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him for all she was worth.

§§§

_What was it with them and hallways_, John vaguely wondered as he closed his arms around her and sank into the kiss. But then his thought process was overruled by a more primitive part of him, and sensations took over. The warmth of her lips, followed by the wetness of her mouth when she opened to let his tongue slide in. She tasted sweet and feminine. The wool of her coat felt soft underneath his hands and against his bare chest. The coat couldn't hide her beautiful curves, now firmly pressed against his body…

Because they were both only human, they needed air eventually. John reluctantly raised his head and inhaled sharply when he was struck by the beauty of her face in the afternoon sunlight coming in through the large ground glass panels that separated the lobby and staircase from the outside world. Her lips looked thoroughly kissed and curled up in a soft smile, her eyes were heavy-lidded and her hair slightly disheveled from when he had run his hands through it. He was glad the anger and sadness he had put there were gone now. How could she think he didn't care for her, when his chest ached with the love he felt?

Three words were burning on his lips, but he held them back. He'd almost let them out after her apology, when she was looking at him with those big, sad eyes. But he'd stopped himself and apologized instead. He couldn't let those words out. She didn't feel the same. Oh, he was sure she felt something for him that went beyond physical attraction, but she had all but told him this morning that Will Gardner still held the number one position in her heart. Still, he wanted her to know…

"John?" she whispered, interrupting his inner struggle. "Maybe we should go inside."

He didn't need to be told twice. He lifted her off her feet, making her utter a surprised little squeal, and gathered her in his arms to carry her up the second flight of stairs, straight to where the door to his apartment was still gaping open.

"Okay, you can put me down now," she said when he kicked the door shut behind him and started towards the bedroom.

"Why?"

"Because we need to talk."

"Is that really what you want to do right now?" He hoped with all his heart that she would say no. If they talked, he would eventually let those words out. If they did what he had in mind, there was a chance he would be able to talk to her without saying them afterwards. But of course he wouldn't push her to do anything she didn't want.

Alicia looked up at him, and something in his expression made her eyes darken and her lips part slightly. "We should," she insisted.

"I know. And if you really want to talk right now, we will." He managed to keep the disappointment out of his voice as he gently put her down on her feet, just outside his bedroom.

She hovered there for a moment, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth. The sight nearly made him forget all his good intentions. Then she smiled.

"Then again, I have heard good things about make-up sex..." she murmured, just before turning around and walking into the bedroom. She shrugged off her coat on the way, letting it drop to the floor.

Thank God. John followed her, closing the gap between them in two long strides. And then his mouth was on hers again, and her hands were pushing his shirt off his shoulders while his worked on getting her clothes out of the way.

**CAUTION: THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M. **  
**(If that's not your thing, please skip to the last two paragraphs for the cliffhanger.)**

When Alicia finally stood before him in nothing more than her black satin lingerie, John forced himself to create a little more distance between them. He wanted to savor this, take his time with her. He may not be able to say the words to her, but he could damn well _show_ her exactly how much he cared for her, so she would never doubt it again.

"My God, you are beautiful," he whispered, letting his eyes roam her slender curves. He slowly sank down on his knees, his hands sliding down her arms and coming to rest on her hips. Pulling her closer, he lightly kissed he stomach, making the muscles there quiver and jump. She gasped slightly and ran her fingers through his hair, and he smiled when she tugged him closer. He let his hands travel to her butt. The black satin of her panties was smoother than her skin, but not much. Getting up, he traced a path over her skin with his tongue, making her shiver as goosebumps broke out over her whole body.

John loved how responsive she was to his touch. The sound of her whimper when he sucked one of her nipples through the satin of her bra was one of the most satisfying things he'd ever heard in his life. His hard member twitched and throbbed in his boxers, as if begging him to rip of the lingerie and bury himself inside her. Patience, he reminded himself. This isn't just sex, you want to make love to her.

Trailing his hands up over her back he unhooked her bra and freed her delicious breasts. The garment dropped to the floor and Alicia arched her back, pushing her breasts forward for him to feast on. So he did, taking her nipple into his mouth again while his hands stroked her sides. He felt her hands grab his shoulders then, as she braced herself. That was his cue to begin kissing his way down again, from her breasts to her stomach and below. His hands pushed her panties down as he kneeled again.

He paused deliberately, savoring her musky scent, breathing on her, until he heard a soft, frustrated sound emerge from her mouth and one of her hands slid around to the back of his head, urging him to hurry up. He smiled up at her. Then he leaned in and licked along her folds once, slowly, gently. She cried out, her knees buckling. Getting up, he caught her and walked her backwards till the backs of her knees touched the bed.

"Lie down," he whispered, and she complied.

"Aren't you gonna take those off?" She asked huskily as she eyed his underwear. The tip of her tongue came out to lick her lips, and he felt himself grow even harder as he imagined what that tongue could do…

Pushing the image out of his mind, he shook his head. "Not yet," he said, and climbed on the bed, into her embrace.

They kissed again and Alicia's hands began exploring his shoulders, his back, his butt, and the sensation of skin on skin made him shudder. Then her nails came into play, lightly scraping his back as she wrapped her legs around him to pull him closer, and John nearly lost it. He pressed himself against her, hard, making her hum in appreciation. If it hadn't been for his underwear, he would be inside her now. Her hands pulled at his boxers, trying to make it happen. But he stopped her, grabbing her wrists and bringing them up to lie next to her head. She pouted.

"Not so fast," he panted, untangling himself from her. "We're going to take this slow."

She looked up at him, smiling wickedly. "What if I don't like slow?"

"Trust me, you'll like it," he promised, sitting up on his knees between her legs and taking another good look at her. He wondered if he would ever get enough of looking at her—especially when she was lying on his bed, her dark hair forming a stark contrast with the white sheets, her skin almost glowing in the sunlight that filtered in through the blinds. Her dark eyes, alive with desire. For him.

He fought back the words threatening to come out again, hoping that one day she would love him just as much as he loved her right now, right here.

"I do," she said softly.

He blinked in confusion. Had he said that out loud?

"Trust you," she clarified then, reaching up to cup his cheek with her hand.

"Good." He turned his head to kiss her palm. Then he put her hand back on the pillow. "Now, let me…" _Love you…_ "…Make you feel good."

He started kissing and licking his way down her body again, teasing her until she was panting and breathlessly begged him to hurry up. But he took his time, lingering on all the sensitive spots he had discovered on earlier occasions and that made her moan and whimper. When he finally got close to her mound again she was twisting the sheets in her fists, thrashing her head and arching her back to make him hurry. He decided to tease her some more and skipped that part of her for now, moving on to her legs.

Her frustrated cry was music to his ears, because he knew the higher he drove up her need now, the better her eventual release would feel for her.

"John… Please… I need to… Oh, God, please…" She was shivering uncontrollably, her voice tight with need, by the time he had kissed his way up and down both her legs.

Deciding to take pity on her, he put on of his arms on her hips to hold them down and used the other to touch her where she needed it most. He slid two fingers inside her, and she clamped down on them. He held his hand still and lightly flicked his tongue over her most sensitive part.

"I love your taste," he told her, before repeating the trick with his tongue.

Alicia bucked her hips up, but he was still holding them down so she couldn't get far. He slowly moved his fingers inside her, his tongue and lips still teasing her, taking her higher and higher, until he felt her inner muscles start to spasm around his fingers. Then he sucked on her until her scream of pleasure echoed through the room.

Watching this beautiful woman come down from a powerful climax topped his list of favorite things to watch by far, but John didn't have time to thoroughly enjoy it this time. He had reached the limits of his control and needed to be inside her. Right now. He quickly lost his underwear and got a condom from his nightstand, covering himself with shaking hands. When he returned to her, she was still relaxing, her body lax, her eyes closed. Gently, he pushed her legs a bit further apart and took his position, his tip straining towards her core.

He entered her, and she opened her eyes and smiled up at him so lovingly that his heart missed several beats as hope surged within him. He couldn't hold it back any longer, so he went deep with one smooth thrust and crashed his lips down on hers to keep the words from spilling out. He felt her arms and legs wrap around him, pulling him tighter against her as she started to move with him.

John tried to keep his movements slow, to draw out the pleasure for both of them, but he lost that fight and his pace grew almost frantic. He heard Alicia cry out again, felt her walls clamp down on him as a second wave rolled through her body, and it was too much for him. He tumbled over the edge, holding himself rigid as he spilled himself inside her, hoarsely shouting out his pleasure to the ceiling.

He collapsed on top of her, making sure he landed on his elbows so his weight wouldn't crush her, and buried his face in the hollow between her shoulder and her neck. She stroked his back, and he shuddered against her and sighed in contentment.

And with the sigh, the three words he had fought so hard not to say came out after all.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Surprise… I'm updating earlier than even I expected. Two things you should know before you start reading this:**

**I don't know what happened at Georgetown. I'm just guessing, because they've never really told us anything.**

**I think it's a good idea to have tissues ready before reading this.**

**As always, thank you for your support, and I hope you'll keep telling me what you think.**

* * *

Alicia stared hard at the ceiling, her body gone completely rigid. She held her breath as she lay there underneath him, trying to grasp the meaning of the three words that had just come tumbling out of his mouth.

I love you.

Three words that were supposed be magical, to fill someone's heart with joy. And hearing them from this wonderful man did make her heart skip several beats, she had to admit. But what did those three words even mean?

Silently exhaling, she continued looking at the ceiling as a slideshow of memories began playing through her head.

Robert, Jack, Phil, Steven, Nico, Scott, Patrick… As a girl, she'd seen her mother 'love' a different man almost every month, and she had vowed to never become like that. Once she found someone to love, she would stick with him.

Years later, when she was a law student, she thought she had found him. Her husband-to-be had told her he loved her, after putting a beautiful engagement ring on her finger. She'd been so sure then that this was the kind of love that would last forever. The kind of love she'd been saving herself for all these years.

Not a week later, she'd caught him cheating on her for the very first time.

She had sought comfort — or possibly revenge — in the arms of another man. A willing, available man, who had the reputation of being a womanizer, even back then. A man she felt secretly drawn to, just like all the girls on campus. One night only. Uncomplicated. No love involved. But it had been so much better with him than it was with Peter, and she wasn't prepared for the spark that it ignited inside her, making her think she'd been wrong about what love really meant.

The next night, Will had hooked up with some other girl.

And Alicia put her engagement ring back around her finger, having decided that love was probably one of those words that meant different things to different people. To her, it meant stability. Peter could give her that. In the year that followed, he had gone out of his way to show her over and over again that he still loved her, and in the end she'd chosen to believe him. Chosen to believe that the love she read about, the love she saw in movies, was merely the stuff or fairytales. Chosen to look the other way again and again, whenever she suspected he wasn't as faithful as he appeared.

Until it all exploded in her face and she couldn't look away anymore.

And again, Will had been there for her. This time, he had told her that he loved her, even if it was just a slip on the phone. Words that came as easy to him as they did to her mother — but not to her. To her, it had become a worn-out, meaningless, exhausted phrase by then. She just knew that what she felt for Will was completely different from what she felt for Peter, and that it scared the hell out of her. But she hadn't been able to put a name on those feelings.

Until it was too late.

Only when Will was forever out of reach had she realized that when it came to love, actions may speak louder than words. His actions had spoken of nothing but love. She didn't like what her own actions had spoken of. What kind of woman could do to a man what she had done to Will? A heartless woman. A woman not worthy of the storybook love she didn't even believe in.

And now, John had told her that he loved her. Three words that meant different things to different people. What did they mean to him? How should she interpret them? And how long would it last after he found out what she was really like?

He stirred then, and raised his head to look at her, his eyes wary. She felt his sharp intake of breath, and saw his expression change into a mixture of alarm and… regret? It was only when she felt his thumb wipe gently at her cheek that she realized there were tears leaking from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean it… I mean, I did… I _do_. But I didn't mean… It just sort of… Slipped out."

"It's fine, John, really. I understand it was the heat of the moment. And they're just words." Alicia tried a smile, but it felt shaky. At least she wasn't crying anymore.

"No. You're wrong. They're not just words." He shook his head, then leaned in until there was barely any space left between their mouths. "It's how I feel." His lips came down on hers ever so gently then, capturing her mouth in a kiss so tender it almost made her cry all over again.

Before the tears could start flowing, she broke the kiss and pushed at his shoulders, needing to create some space between them. When he rolled off of her, she sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees. After a few moments of silence, she felt his hand touch her back.

"Are you alright?" His voice was laced with worry and compassion.

She nodded. Then, with a sigh, she looked back at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If you really love me, then… Why did you leave?" She turned her face forward again. After a silence that felt longer than the seconds it must have been, she felt his weight shift on the mattress as he sat up beside her.

"I was actually planning on staying," he said. "But then Peter walked in, and you…" He shrugged, looking away from her.

Something she had done had made him leave? Alicia went over the events of election night, trying to figure out what it could have been."I what?" she asked eventually.

"You looked happy."

"Well, I _was_ happy." She frowned. "So were you. We were celebrating my win, remember?"

"No, _we_ weren't. You were. You—and Peter." He looked at her again, his eyes guarded. "You looked… perfect together."

"But you must have known Peter and I were just…" Alicia shook her head, understanding what he was saying, but still not quite getting it02. Projecting the image of the happy couple was an art she and Peter had perfected over the years, she knew that. But she would have never thought it would fool John as well. Not after witnessing her interactions with Peter during her campaign. Not after… "And you and I had just—Oh." She cringed when it suddenly became crystal clear to her. "My e-mail." Her stupid, thoughtless, businesslike e-mail. She looked at him for confirmation.

He nodded.

"God, John… I'm so sorry. I didn't realize…" She buried her head in her hands. "I'm so stupid," she muttered, more to herself than to him.

"No, you're not." She felt his arm come around her shoulders.

"Yes, I am," she insisted. "I sent that e-mail without even _thinking_ about it. About you. About how it would… affect you." Talk about actions speaking louder than words, she thought, clenching her eyes shut.

"Alicia…" He pulled her against him and pressed a kiss on her hair. "It's okay. I understand. Really."

She looked up at him then, hesitantly, afraid that his eyes would tell a different story. But they didn't. He truly understood. And she realized then that he had never told her anything but the truth.

Including today.

"You really did come back for me…" she said, amazed.

"I tried to stay away, but…" He raised a hand to her face, cupping her cheek. "I couldn't."

"Because…" Alicia swallowed. "Because you love me."

She didn't need his cautious nod to finally believe him. She saw it in his eyes. Those three little words, coming from him, meant exactly what they said.

"Okay." She sighed, knowing that one word wasn't nearly enough. But it was all she had right now. At least until he knew exactly what he was getting himself into.

§§§

Okay?

John blinked. This was a first. He hadn't told a lot of women that he loved them, but the few that he had told, hadn't responded like this. Then again, none of them had been anything remotely like Alicia Florrick. And there was a reason he hadn't wanted to tell her yet, he reminded himself.

"Look, Alicia... I know it might be too soon for you, and that's fine, really. I didn't say it because I want you to say it back or anything... I know you still love Will, and..."

"John." A sad smile crossed her face. "You're instructing me on my feelings again. Let's not do that, okay?"

"Okay." He couldn't help but smile at the reference to their first conversation about feelings, but the smile faded quickly with her next words.

"You're right. I do still love Will. I think part of me always will, in some way. But that's not… I-I actually feel like I've moved on from Will." She was silent for a couple of heartbeats. He watched a blush creep up to her cheeks, and when she spoke again she dropped her gaze to her hands and her voice was soft, almost shy. "And you helped me do that. That first night."

"I'm glad I could do that for you," he managed to choke out, despite the lump that was suddenly forming in his throat.

"I needed someone to do that for me. You were around. I felt… attracted to you. Physically. That's all it was. Just a one-night stand. Just sex."

He'd known, of course, but it still wasn't easy to hear her say it out loud. Her words felt like kicks in the gut, actually.

"But I couldn't stop thinking about you after that," she continued, and because that had to be a good sign, he felt his stomach ease a little. Only to start churning again when she went on, "The thing is, I was in love with—or I thought I was in love with—someone else. I even… I kissed him."

"Who?" John heard himself ask, wondering why he even wanted to know. The mere thought of Alicia kissing some other guy was enough to make him want to punch something, preferably said guy's face.

Alicia looked up at him, her eyes thoughtful. "That doesn't matter now. What matters is, I was wrong. I wasn't in love with him. I just thought I was. But I couldn't get you out of my mind, even when I was kissing him. I was wishing it was you, actually."

"Good." He wouldn't have to punch anyone, then.

She let out a brief chuckle, but her eyes were still serious. "What I'm saying is… I wasn't prepared for… This. You. And…" She sighed heavily. "I'm not sure if I can do it."

His heart nearly stopped beating when she said that, but he tried not to jump to conclusions. "Do what? What do you mean?"

Alicia climbed off the bed and picked up her dress from where it had landed on the floor. She pulled it on over her head, without putting her lingerie back on first. Then she went to stand by the window and pulled up the blind.

"Alicia?" John wanted nothing more than to get up and go to her, but he decided to stay where he was. Apparently, she needed some space.

"Peter came by this morning, after Davenport left," she said, still not looking at him. "He's agreed to the divorce."

"Okay…" he said, trying to figure out where this sudden change in subject had come from. "Well, that's good news… Isn't it?"

"He also told me he has a daughter. Lauren."

Hell. John got off the bed, grabbing his boxers. He pulled them on and walked to the window. Screw her need for space. She looked lost and alone, standing there hugging herself, and he couldn't stand the sight. She needed him now, whether she knew it or not. Whether she liked it or not.

She turned around to face him. "I actually know Lauren. She's Ramona's daughter. You know, Ramona Lytton?"

"Peter's lawyer." He pulled her into his arms. "That must hurt like a bitch." No wonder she'd been so emotional when she came here. The next time he saw Peter, he would…

"Lauren is four months younger than Zach," she said, like he hadn't spoken at all.

He'd always been good with numbers, so it didn't take him more than a heartbeat to do the math and come up with what it meant. Still, he couldn't believe that even Peter Florrick could be such a gigantic asshole. "That jackass was sleeping with her when you were pregnant?"

"Yes." Alicia stepped back from him slightly, but didn't leave his embrace. Her gaze was weary when she tilted her head to look at him. "He told me he loved me. He kept telling me that for almost twenty-one years, even when he was fucking all those other women behind my back, John. What does that tell you?"

Easy question. "That he is a lying sack of shit."

"I mean, what does it tell you about me?" Tears filled her eyes and she stepped away from him entirely, hugging herself again. Before he could say anything, she continued, "What does it say about a woman, when she stays with a lying sack of shit for more than two decades, even when the first time she caught him fucking someone else was before they even got married?"

He winced as he imagined what that must have been like for her. "Alicia, honey, you can't blame yourself for…"

"And what does it say when that same woman finds another man who tells her he loves her, and _means_ it, and she throws it all away, like it's nothing? When she turns her back on him and walks away, betrays his trust… Sends him to his death?" She was sobbing now, tears streaming freely, and she raised her hands and buried her face in them.

John was at a loss for words. She blamed herself for Peter's cheating _and_ Will's death? He reached out to her, but she tightened all her muscles and refused to let him pull her against him. So instead, he stepped close to her and folded his arms around her rigid shoulders, holding her as tightly as he could. After a couple of minutes of her sobbing uncontrollably and him making comforting sounds and stroking her back, Alicia let out a long, shuddering breath and collapsed against him.

She raised her head, and his heart ached when he saw the desolation in her eyes. Her voice was flat, toneless, when she spoke. "So you see, it doesn't really matter that I lo… That I've fallen for you. In the end, I won't be able to give you what you need."

Then she buried her face against his chest again, and he rested his chin on top of her head as he tried to think of something to say to her.

§§§

Alicia had never been in one, but she imagined this floating, detached feeling was what it must feel like to be in an air balloon that had just shed all its ballast and taken off. She hadn't meant to tell John all that, but once she'd started talking, there had been no stopping. The words had kept bursting out of her, almost as if on their own. And now she was holding her breath, waiting for whatever he was going to say. He now knew everything important there was to know about her, who she really was. Surely he must understand now how unworthy she was of his love?

"Alicia, look at me," he said in a firm tone, finally breaking the silence. He waited for her to look up before continuing, "I need you to listen very carefully to me now. Can you do that?"

She nodded, bracing herself.

"I. Love. You." He spoke slowly, very deliberately, and in his eyes she found nothing but the love he spoke of. "I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone, in fact. Okay?"

"But…" She stopped talking when he put a finger on her lips.

"Shhh. I wasn't done yet. Now," He used his thumb to wipe at the tears on her cheeks. "I know this will probably come as a shock to you, but you are not responsible for other people's happiness. Not Peter's. Not Will's." His other hand came up too, and he put both of them around her face, holding her head still so she couldn't look away from him. "And not mine. All I will ever need from you, is for you to be happy and for you to want to be with me."

Alicia waited for him to say more, but apparently he was done for now. She closed her eyes to escape his gaze as she tried to find any holes in what he'd just said. She was sure there must be something, that love couldn't be that easy. But the emotional roller coaster she'd been riding for most of today had taken its toll. She felt exhausted, her mind overloaded with everything that had happened.

"John… I don't know what to say," she whispered, opening her eyes again and meeting his. "I can't seem to think straight anymore. And I need to think about what you said."

"That's okay, I understand. Take as long as you need." He smiled, and when he continued, his eyes twinkled. "Although, in the meantime, I wouldn't mind hearing you say again that you've fallen for me."

Despite everything, she couldn't help but smile as she leaned her face closer to his and whispered, "I have, you know. Like a rock." With that, she closed the gap between them and kissed him, as a sense of joy started seeping into her heart.

* * *

**No. Not the end. More chapters to come. But I'm getting ready for another vacation, so I don't know when I'll update again. Keep an eye on my profile page, I'll post there as soon as I can tell you more about when I'm expecting the next chapter to be online.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sorry I'm late - I am experiencing a huge jetlag since returning from my vacation in NYC, so it took me some time to find my writing rhythm again. I am not entirely happy with how this chapter turned out, but I'll let you be the judge. Thanks for staying with me, and I'll try to be faster next time :)**

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"Oh, shit!" John muttered when the smell of burnt toast hit his nostrils. Dropping the handful of knives and forks he'd been holding onto the kitchen table, he jumped towards the counter, where the toaster was happily ruining his plans for a romantic breakfast. He took the slices of toast out, swearing again when they scorched the tips of his fingers. No sooner had he dropped them on the counter, than a hissing sound drew his attention to the stove, where he'd set a pot of eggs to boil.

He let out a long groan when he found the water bubbling over the edge and onto the burner. Next time, he'd just get breakfast from the place around the corner again, he decided as he grabbed a potholder and lifted the pot off the stove. He sighed when he put the pot in the sink, miserably eyeing the eggs. The shells had cracked, leaving strands of eggwhite and yolk to come squeezing out.

"What's going on over there?" Ashley's amused voice came from behind him. He'd put her on speakerphone when her call came in, foolishly thinking he could talk to her and prepare breakfast at the same time.

"Um, sorry, gotta go. I have an egg emergency on my hands. Bye." John broke the connection and scowled at the phone. He just knew that if Ashley hadn't called, he would have aced this breakfast. And now...

"Good morning…?"

John turned to find Alicia standing in the doorway. He had never thought of her as adorable of girlish, but that was exactly how she looked right now, scrunching up her nose at the smell of his burnt toast. She was wearing his shirt from the day before, and her hair looked tousled. The sight made him smile.

"Hey," he said, "Did I wake you?" He hoped not. She needed her sleep. She had been so tired yesterday after her outburst, he hadn't wanted her to drive home all by herself. She'd tried to tell him she was fine, but he'd been able to convince her to stay. They'd ordered a pizza and watched a movie until she had fallen asleep, resting her head on his shoulder. It had been a good night.

"No, that's okay…" She looked around the kitchen. "Who were you talking to?"

"Ashley called. You can blame her for messing up a nice breakfast." John chuckled.

"Ashley?" Alicia tensed up. "What did she want?"

He held back a sigh. "Relax, Alicia. She just called to give me an update on Mr. Rhodes. He's doing better."

"That's good news," she said, but she sounded distracted and her eyes took on a faraway look.

John had just opened his mouth to ask her what was wrong, when he almost literally saw something click in her mind. "What is it?" he asked.

"I was just thinking... You know what else Peter told me yesterday?" She barely gave him time to shake his head before continuing, "That he didn't leak the story about me and Will. Which made me wonder who did."

"So you believe him?"

"I didn't at first, but the only reason he threatened to leak the story in the first place was because of the divorce. But now Ramona is pregnant and he wants to do the right thing by divorcing me and marrying her. So Peter spilling the beans on Will and me doesn't make any sense anymore and... What?" She frowned at him.

"Ramona's pregnant?" Wow, John thought when she gave him a curt, almost impatient, nod. That must have felt like a slap in the face to her, especially with the other illegitimate daughter in the mix too. He tried to think of something to say, something to show her his support, but before he could come up with anything, Alicia was talking again.

"As I was saying, it doesn't make any sense that Peter would go to the press. But then who did? And now I'm thinking..." She raised her eyebrows at him. "Do you trust Ashley?"

"Why?" But as soon as he asked, he knew where she was going. "You think Ashley leaked the story?" He couldn't keep the hint of disbelief out of his voice. "Alicia, I know you don't like her, but..."

"No, you don't understand. Whether I like her or not is not the issue here. The problem is I don't know her. You do. So I ask again, do you trust her?"

Did he? John thought back to the first time he'd met Ashley. There had been something secretive about her then, but that was because she didn't want him or anyone else to know she was gay. Or was there more to it than that? But how could there be? Ashley lived in New York, she had just come out here for the gala. The only reason she was still here was because of her grandfather. So how would she even have known about Alicia and Will? And if she did know, what would she win by blabbing?

"Give me your phone," Alicia interrupted his reflections, her tone all business now.

"What? Why?" John asked as he retrieved the phone from the table and unlocked it with his thumb.

"Because I left mine on my coffee table at home." She took the device from him.

"No, I mean, who are you calling?"

"Peter. He and I need to tell the kids about the divorce before they find out from the press. And since Ashley knows about you and me, we may not have a lot of time. So we need to do it today." She started tapping on the screen.

"Alicia, I really don't think Ashley would..."

"But you're not sure."

John sighed. His gut told him Ashley could probably be trusted, but he knew that wouldn't be enough for Alicia. Hell, if he were in her shoes, it probably wouldn't be enough for him either. But it still stung a little that she didn't seem to trust his judgment as much as she had during her campaign anymore.

"Peter, it's me," he heard her say into the phone. "No, I'm at..." her eyes briefly met his before she dropped her gaze to the floor and continued, "I'm not at home right now and forgot my phone..." She walked off into the living room, her voice fading as she went.

John went back to trying to salvage at least some their breakfast, but his earlier light mood was gone. He remembered the burst of joy he'd felt when she had admitted she was falling for him, and his lingering feeling of happiness when she'd curled up against him to watch a movie later. He also remembered what she'd told him when they were making love...

_I do trust you._

Yet, for the second time in twenty-four hours, he now had the feeling that her trust in him was as thin as the film of ice that sometimes covered Lake Michigan after the first night of heavy frost. He understood that Peter had done a number on her, but he couldn't help but wonder how they were supposed to build a lasting relationship on a foundation as fragile as that.

§§§

When Alicia walked back into the kitchen, she found John putting toast on two plates. He'd put out some cream cheese and other spreads. He'd also made coffee, judging from the two steaming mugs set beside their plates. She smiled. He'd clearly been busy while she'd been on the phone, and there was something so sweet about him making her breakfast—something that Peter had never done... The smile faded as she sighed, because she knew she had to let him down.

He looked up at her then and gave her that adorable smile he seemed to have patented. "Hope you're not too hungry, this is the last of the toast," he said.

"Actually, I don't have time for breakfast..." She watched as his smile disappeared. "I'm sorry, John, it's just... Zach is going back to Georgetown tonight, so Peter and I have to tell the kids right away. They're on their way to my place right now."

"I understand." But he wasn't happy about it, she could see it in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "My life is just a bit of a mess right now."

His shoulders dropped as he sighed. "I know. It's okay, really. I just hoped to spend some more time with you today. Maybe talk some more."

"Well, maybe we'll have time later..." Alicia smiled, but held back a sigh of her own. "I'm just going to take a quick shower now and head home, okay?"

When he nodded, she all but fled to the shower. She turned on the water, shed his shirt and stepped under the spray. Then she just stood there, eyes closed, fists clenched, trying to beat back the anxiety bubbling up inside her.

Of course he wanted to talk more. She should have seen that coming after her emotional meltdown yesterday. Where had that even come from? She always made a point of keeping her grief completely private and the rest of her emotions carefully in check. That was who she was. Even during the best years of her marriage, she had never opened herself up to Peter the way she had to John yesterday. Not when they were talking or fighting, and not in the bedroom either. She knew she just wasn't capable of giving herself to a man without any reservation. That was more her mother's style. But John didn't know that – yet. How could he know? Their relationship had moved from purely professional to very personal only a couple of weeks ago. He would find out soon enough though, and then this relationship would probably start going the same route her marriage and her affair with Will had gone, and fast.

A knock on the bathroom door startled her out of her thoughts and she grabbed the nearest bottle of shampoo from the small shelf on the shower wall, remembering she was in a hurry. The door opened and John came in.

"Just bringing you a towel," he said, putting said item on the counter. He didn't look her way, he just turned and left again.

See? She thought, inhaling the familiar scent of his shampoo, there was already a sense of distance between them. All because of her. How long would it be before John realized that despite his sweet words yesterday, she really wasn't able to give him what he needed? And before he decided that what she _was_ able to give, wasn't enough for him, like it hadn't been enough for Peter, or for Will?

Tears escaped from her eyes and mixed with the water on her face but not one single audible sob escaped her, as she quickly washed herself and wondered why she couldn't be more like the women she saw on TV, in those chick flicks she sometimes watched with Grace.

§§§

After Alicia had left, John decided to go to the hospital and talk to Ashley. He still thought she could be trusted to keep her mouth shut – after all, she had kept her own secret for years – but it wouldn't hurt to go talk to her, if only to be able to ease Alicia's mind. She had promised to call him when the talk with her family was over, although he couldn't go to her then, because Grace would still be there. She'd been vague about the next time they would see each other, and he feared she was shutting him out again.

As he drove to the hospital, his thoughts turned to how much he missed riding his motorcycle on sunny days like this one. He'd left the bike in Ohio when he came out here for Alicia's campaign and had been meaning to either have it delivered or go get it himself ever since, but he hadn't gotten around to it. Riding his bike helped him clear his mind and work out strategies to handle difficult situations, so it was no wonder that he wished he could ride it right now.

When he turned into the parking garage at the hospital, it hit him that there was no real reason why he couldn't. Well, not right this minute, of course, but Columbus, Ohio wasn't that far away. He only needed two days off – one to fly out there and make arrangements for his stuff to be sent to Chicago, and one to ride his bike back here. If he took the I-70 West and then the I-65 North, he could be back in town in six hours. Eight or nine if he took the scenic route.

As for Alicia, well, she needed time, didn't she? And he had promised to give it to her. He might as well do something useful while he waited.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews on chapter 14. As I mentioned, I wasn't too confident about that one, but you helped ease my mind. Welcome to new followers and reviewers, always a pleasure to see that John Elfman is not forgotten just yet ;)**

**And just in case you start wondering what the hell I think I'm doing after you read the following: please keep in mind that my last name is not King. I want these two to be happy, even though this chapter may make you doubt that…**

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"Why?" It was Zach who broke the heavy silence that had followed Peter's words. The words that had made the divorce a reality, even if the papers hadn't been signed yet. The boy looked back and forth between his parents while Grace sat next to him, staring down at her clenched hands.

Alicia looked at Peter, who didn't look like he was eager to answer Zach's question. She sighed quietly and tried to explain. "Well, sometimes a marriage just doesn't work out, and…"

"No, I mean why now? You've been pretending for years, so why stop now?" Zach interrupted her. Grace looked up at that, her eyes big, her face pale.

Alicia felt tears burn in her own eyes. Her kids were hurting and there was nothing she could do to make it better. For a brief moment, she wished they could just go back to the way things had been before. Before the scandal, before their world had started falling apart. Then a faded image of that past life popped up in her mind — of her and Ramona in the park, chatting on a bench while their toddlers were playing in the sandbox — and she remembered that their world had started falling apart long before the scandal.

"Let's just say your mother and I are both at a point in our lives where pretending has stopped being useful or necessary," Peter answered Zach's question.

"What your father is trying to say, is that we have both come to realize that we can't make each other, or you, happy anymore by staying together. I wish it was different, but…" Alicia shrugged, not knowing how to go on.

Grace looked from her to Peter and back. "I'm glad we don't have to pretend to be a happy family anymore," she stated quietly. Then she stood up and left the room.

Alicia started to get up as well, wanting to go after her daughter, but Zach spoke up then.

"Can't you just try harder? Both of you?" He looked at Peter when he asked the questions, but then his eyes turned to his mother and she was taken aback by the deep disappointment she read in them.

It made her wonder if she should have done things differently. Not just today, but in their marriage as well. Could she have done more to keep things from falling apart, could she have worked harder to prevent Peter from losing interest in her? Had she tried hard enough?

"No." Peter said in a clear, decisive tone, and for a moment, Alicia thought he was answering her last unspoken question. But he was still talking to Zach. "I will always love your mother, Zach, but I'm done trying to make things work between us."

"Mom?" Sadness made Zach's voice sound years younger.

Leave it to Peter, always the politician, to make it sound like she was the only one to blame — without actually saying he blamed her. Alicia resisted the urge to throw her soon-to-be-ex-husband a dirty look and sighed as she took her son's hand in hers. Two could play that game, she decided. "It takes two committed people to make a marriage work, honey. I've tried my best, and it didn't work out. I'm so very sorry."

Zach pulled his hand free and looked from her to Peter. "Yeah, sure, you're both very sorry. But sorry doesn't buy me anything, does it? Or Grace, for that matter." He got up and strode to the door.

"Zach…" Alicia started.

"I'm going to pack some stuff. I have a plane to catch," he cut her off, and then he was gone, slamming the door of his room shut behind him.

Alicia sank back against the couch and closed her eyes, forcing her tears back. She refused to cry in front of Peter.

"That could have been worse," he observed, unknowingly helping her in her struggle against her tears as irritation at his words replaced the urge to cry.

"How, Peter? How could this have possibly been worse?" she spat.

"They could have found out about Ramona. Or Elfman."

"They will find out about Ramona. Or did you expect you could keep her pregnancy a secret forever? As for John, I already told you I'm not…"

"Before you deny that there is anything going on between you and him," Peter cut her off, "You might want to take a look at the paper."

"W-why?"

"It looks like your friendly reporter went hostile on you."

Alicia got up and went to the dining room table, where she had left the contents of her mailbox, including the Sunday paper that held Davenport's interview. She turned to the front page of the Metro section. And felt her jaw drop as she looked at the picture accompanying the article. There she was, dancing with John at the gala. They were looking deep into each other eyes, and it was clear that this wasn't 'just a dance' from the expressions o their faces and the way they held each other. Her whole body tingled as she remembered the sensation of being in his arms, her body pressed close to his, but she shook it off. She couldn't let that distract her now. Who had taken that picture? It looked like it had been taken with a cell phone… Had Ashey had a phone with her when she threw herself around John's neck? Alicia didn't remember, but she knew it must have been the Rhodes girl. Or… Her eyes travelled across the room where Peter still sat watching her with a strange expression that seemed to be a mix of curiosity, sympathy and a hint of smugness.

He shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, Alicia. I really am." He actually sounded sincere.

"Did you…"

"No. I was at the bar with… someone. Then I saw you dancing with him and went straight over. I didn't know anything about that picture until I saw it this morning. I'm sorry," he repeated.

She looked into his eyes, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. If he was, then what was he sorry for?

"Dad, we have to go. My flight." Zach came back in, dropping his duffle bag on the floor. His voice was distant, his eyes were red and puffy.

Alicia quickly put the paper down, shoving it out of sight under the pile of bills and flyers, and walked over to her son. She pulled him in her arms and held on tight, for the first time ever seriously wishing he would have picked a college closer to home, so she wouldn't have to let him go again. Zach held himself rigid at first, but eventually she felt him hug her back, albeit reluctantly. "Call me if you want to talk, okay?" she whispered.

"Okay."

"I'm so sorry we are putting you and Grace through this."

He was quiet for what felt like a century. Then he sighed heavily. "It's not your fault," he said then, letting her go.

Alicia wished she could believe him.

§§§

John left the hospital and headed for the parking garage, taking his phone out as soon as he was out of the no cell phones area. He switched it on, but hadn't missed any calls. Which must mean that Alicia and Peter were still talking to the kids. He wished he could have been there with her, but he'd have to settle for easing her mind about Ashley when she called him. After talking to Ashley, he was sure that she hadn't breathed a word, and wasn't going to either. He didn't have tangible evidence of that to give to Alicia, but he'd seen Ashley's face when he mentioned Will Gardner. She had given him a completely blank look. Of course, there was always the possibility that Ashley Rhodes had missed her calling in life and should have been an actress, but he was willing to bet his bike that she had never heard Will's name before in her life.

The thought of his bike lightened his mood. Trevor Rhodes was doing much better, and he had given John the green light to take tomorrow and Tuesday off. Ashley would stay two more days to handle any PR emergencies. All he needed to do now was get himself a plane ticket and tell Alicia he would be back by Tuesday night, and he was good to go. Maybe he should call her instead of waiting for her? No, he decided as he unlocked his car and got in. If she was still talking to her kids, he would only complicate things for her. But if he hadn't heard from her by six, he would call her. It was now two, he saw when he looked at the dashboard clock, so that gave him four hours to kill.

An hour and a half later, he found himself on a park bench across from his building, his jacket beside him and a cup of coffee in his hand. He closed his eyes, trying to enjoy the feel of the sunlight on his face. Having stopped at a supermarket on the way home he'd bought everything he needed for his little road trip, which wasn't much. He'd also grabbed the Sunday paper, wanting to read Alicia's interview. The paper was currently lying under his jacket to prevent the breeze from catching it. After two minutes of sunbathing, he opened his eyes again and reached for it, curious to see what Trent had made of the interview. He put his coffee down and quickly turned the pages until he found the article — and saw the picture.

"Damn it!" He muttered, unaware of the old lady passing by with her dog and giving him a disapproving frown when she caught his words, as he started to read.

The article started out innocent enough, painting the picture of a strong woman with high moral and ethical values who had worked hard to get justice done, get elected and keep her marriage together. It even had everything John had told Alicia to say during the second interview, which added the much needed layer of humanity to the superwoman. But the second half of the article destroyed everything again by suggesting that Alicia wasn't as much of a family woman as she seemed. Davenport apparently had an 'anonymous source' that knew all the ins and outs of Alicia's love life.

The article summarized the story about Will and Alicia that had first appeared on the blog yesterday, but added some new details to it as well. Near the end of the story, Davenport talked about Alicia being seen with Finn Polmar, having dinner at some fancy restaurant earlier that week. That at least answered John's question about the other guy she'd mentioned, but he put that thought aside to examine it later. The last paragraph was dedicated to Alicia dancing intimately with her former campaign manager at the gala, and the Governor's angry intervention. The final line of the article stated point blank that voters shouldn't be surprised if Alicia Florrick turned out to be even more trouble for Cook County than her husband had been when he was SA.

When he was done reading, John immediately got out his phone again and dialed. "What the hell, Trent?" He said when the reporter picked up.

§§§

After Peter and Zach had left, Alicia read the article, her jaw clenched in growing anger. She should have known better than to trust a reporter, no matter how friendly and laid-back he seemed. She had walked right into that one — and now, once again, her personal life was out there for anyone to see.

Putting the paper down, she went to get her phone and dialed John's number. "Have you seen the paper?" she asked, as soon as he answered.

"Yes."

"Still think Ashley can keep a secret?"

"Alicia… I don't think it was Ashley."

"Oh, come on!" He was still defending the blonde? Alicia wanted to scream at his stubbornness. "Who else could it have been?"

"I don't know. I called Davenport, but he wouldn't tell me. He just said it was a woman, so that at least rules out Peter."

"But not Ashley," Alicia insisted.

"I'm telling you, it wasn't her." There was a hint of impatience in his voice now. "Why can't you just trust me on this?"

"You mean like I did when you said Davenport was a friendly reporter?" As soon as the words left her mouth, she started wishing desperately that she could take them back. It wasn't his fault that she'd trusted the reporter. That was all on her. He had merely been offering her the help she'd asked him for. "John—I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it."

He sighed heavily. "Whatever."

She clenched her eyes shut when she picked up on the hurt in his voice, shining right through the indifference he was clearly going for. Silence stretched out between them as she pictured the gap she had sensed — created? — between them that morning growing wider. "John… I…"

"Listen, I'm going out of town for a couple of days," he said, like she hadn't spoken at all. His voice was now all business, like there was no personal connection between them whatsoever, and she hated it.

Then the meaning of his words sank in. He was leaving. "What? W-where are you going?"

"Columbus. I'm going to get my bike. And some other stuff I left there."

Relief washed through her. He wasn't leaving because of her. As for his bike… Alicia remembered an afternoon at campaign headquarters, when she'd overheard Marissa, Josh and John talking about motorcycles over coffee. She also remembered the shiver that had coursed through her when her imagination had immediately provided her with a vivid visual of her campaign manager, wearing black leather and straddling a bike. Looking back, she realized that may very well have been the first time that she had become aware of him in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with getting people to vote for her.

"Alicia?"

"Yes…" She realized he'd been talking to her while she'd been lost in that same image of him and his bike that had distracted her back then. The only difference being that she now knew what he looked like underneath his clothes, which only made the fantasy more appealing… She forced her mind out of the gutter, surprised that it could actually still go there so easily after everything that had happened today, and cleared her throat. "I mean, what were you saying?"

"I said I'll ride back here, so I probably won't be back before Tuesday night." Still in that business voice.

"Oh. Okay." She was overcome by a sudden urge to beg him to take her with him, so she could get away from the mess her life had become, if only for a few days. But then she heard Grace's bedroom door open and her daughter's footsteps approaching. "I-I gotta go now. Grace is here. Bye," she said in a hushed voice.

"Goodbye," she heard him say as she took the phone away from her ear and quickly shoved the paper out of sight before Grace could get a look at the picture. He'd said _goodbye_. Not just _bye_. She tried not to worry about the definitive quality of the longer version. But as afternoon turned into evening and she and Grace tried to act like it was just another Sunday night, both exhausted and way from the emotions of the day and needing to recuperate, her thoughts kept coming back to the notion that nothing good had ever come out of _goodbye_. At least not in her experience.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: When I started writing this story, I figured it would be ten chapters long, at most. But it kind of got away from me, and so I find myself posting chapter 16 now. And it's not even the final chapter, in fact I have three more chapters planned after this one :)**

**As always, thanks for reading and reviewing, and I hope you'll enjoy this (longer than usual) chapter!**

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"…And so, my wife and I have decided to go our separate ways. This was not an easy decision, but it is the best one for us at this time in our lives. We ask that you respect our privacy and that of our family members in this difficult time." The camera zoomed in on the Florricks standing there looking grave while flashbulbs went off and reporters started shouting questions.

John pressed the mute button on the remote control and looked at Alicia's face. She looked pale and had dark circles under her eyes, but her gaze was clear and her look was one of determination. She didn't look away from the camera, her head held high, challenging the viewer to see the strong woman she was now, instead of the meek woman who had stood beside her husband in scandal six years ago. _That's my girl_, he thought, and was reminded of another night in a hotel room in another state, where he had sat and watched his girl give a great interview to _Good Morning Chicago_. Had that really been a mere week ago? He did a quick count and realized that yes, it had been only a little over a week ago. And now here he was again, sitting in a motel room and watching her on TV. Again.

So much had happened between then and now, and yet it felt so much the same.

Again, he wasn't there at an important time in her life. Again, he had left her to face the media alone. He felt like a giant dickhead all of a sudden. Never mind that she hadn't even bothered to tell him that she and Peter would go ahead and announce the divorce only hours after it was filed. He should have been there. He shouldn't have even thought of leaving Chicago, no matter how much he had missed riding his bike. How was she supposed to ever start trusting him if he up and left each time she needed him, for God's sake?

His hand reached for his phone, discarded on the nightstand when he'd arrived here after a long day of packing up and making arrangements. All of his belongings were now in boxes, waiting for the moving company to come pick them up tomorrow morning. He'd left the keys to his old apartment with the building manager, who had offered to oversee the loading of the boxes — he wouldn't even need to be present for that himself. So he was actually all ready to leave Columbus in the rearview mirror of his bike, now parked right outside the room. Why was he still sitting here, when all he wanted to do was call Alicia and tell her he was coming back tonight?

But his hand wavered before it even touched the phone, their last phone conversation playing through his mind. He'd screwed that up royally, not even asking about how her conversation with Peter and the kids had gone, accusing her of not trusting him and then telling her he was leaving her to face the immediate fall-out of the interview alone. If he called her now, on the heels of that press conference she'd just gone through, the best he could probably hope for was a polite version of _screw you_. Or maybe she wouldn't even be polite about it.

He sighed. Nah, better to stick with the plan. But there was no reason he couldn't leave here early in the morning, so he would be back in town by noon instead of tomorrow night.

§§§

"Mom? Are you okay?"

Alicia looked up from the glass of wine she had been staring at as if the answers to all her questions and worries were hiding in the depths of the burgundy liquid to find Grace standing just inside the living room, giving her a concerned look. Alicia felt like a terrible mother all of a sudden. Her daughter had spent the evening over at a friend's house while Alicia and Peter were making their announcement to the press. She must have watched the press conference on TV, must feel heartbroken now that it was more or less official that her parents were separating, yet there she was, asking if Alicia was okay.

"Mom." Grace took a few careful steps in her direction.

"I'm sorry, honey. It's been a long day." Alicia let out a heavy sigh and put the glass on the coffee table. "Come here."

Grace sat down, and Alicia pulled her into her arms, resting her own head on top of her daughter's. It had been a long day indeed. Alicia had spent the majority of it in the company of David Lee and Peter and his attorney, trying to work out the details of the divorce to everyone's satisfaction. When the papers had been drawn up and signed by both of them, David had waited until the last minute before court closed for the day to file them. That gave Alicia and Peter the chance to make the announcement themselves, before the news could be leaked to the press.

The press conference had been hell. Despite Peter's request for privacy, reporters had had no qualms about following them to their respective cars, shouting questions and taking pictures as they went. Alicia was pretty sure she'd seen Trent Davenport among them. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if he had followed her all the way here and was now camped out on the sidewalk. She was so tired of being constantly watched. Would she ever get a chance to lead her life away from the spotlights again, without having to worry about mysterious sources leaking intimate details of her personal life to the press? Probably not, since she was a politician now… The thought of having to live like this for the rest of her life, or at least for as long as she was in office, scared her to no end, but she would have to find a way to deal with that. It was a good thing John was in Columbus though, so she couldn't be tempted to give in to her desire to seek refuge in his apartment, his bed, his arms.

"You want to watch a movie or something?" Grace asked, startling Alicia out of her thoughts as she reached for the remote control.

"No, honey." Alicia put her own hand on the remote control. There would be time to worry about her own life later. She needed to be there for her daughter now. "I would like to know how you're doing."

"Okay, I guess… I mean, nothing really changes, right?" Grace dropped her eyes to her lap and shrugged. "I've been praying for you to be happy again."

Alicia's heart wept and she had to close her eyes and swallow back tears. "I'm sorry honey, I've tried so hard to make it work with your father…"

"I know, mom. I don't blame you. And that's not what I meant." Grace's gaze came up to meet hers again. "I want _you_ to be happy again, even if it's without dad. I know you haven't felt really happy since… Since the scandal. I want to hear you laugh out loud again, and sing. Like you used to when we were little." Tears pooled in her eyes and she wiped them away, still holding her mother's gaze. "I miss the old you." A trembling, self-conscious smile barely turned up the corners of her mouth.

"Grace…" Alicia trailed off and just sat there, stunned, as she tried to remember if she had ever really been like that, or if the mother Grace seemed to remember was an idealized version of her. "I don't know if I can…"

"It's okay, mom. You don't have to do it right now." Grace curled up against her again.

Alicia kissed her daughter's hair and sighed, wondering how Grace had grown up on her so fast. "Are you really okay?" she whispered.

"No, not really… But please don't blame yourself, okay?" Grace let out a sigh of her own. "Because I will be fine, mom. And so will Zach. Just give us time." She yawned. "I think I'm going to bed. I've had a long day too. Unless you want to talk more?"

"No, that's okay, sweetheart. I think I won't be far behind you, in fact."

After they hugged each other again and Grace had left the room, Alicia eyed her wine. But lifting the glass to her mouth suddenly seemed like way too much trouble. Until that moment she hadn't even realized how deeply exhausted and emotionally drained the events of the past week had left her. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the couch. She'd rest here for a little while before she would start up her laptop and look at every picture she could find of the gala, so she could try and figure out who could have taken that picture of her and John. She needed to know, because that person seemed to have access to very intimate details of Alicia's life, and she couldn't risk more of those details leaking to the press...

It wasn't long before Alicia dozed off — only to be startled wide awake again when a loud thunderclap ripped through the air, immediately followed by the sound of raindrops bombarding the apartment windows. A glance at the clock and the pain in her neck told her she'd slept for nearly two hours. The pictures would have to wait till morning, she decided. Her little nap hadn't done anything to take away her bone deep exhaustion. What she needed now, was sleep. She got up and dragged herself to the bathroom to change into her nightgown and brush her teeth.

But by the time she was in bed and switched off the light, her mind was fully alert again. She closed her eyes anyway and focused on the sound of the rain, determined to will herself to sleep. Minutes later, she turned onto her other side and sighed when she couldn't find a comfortable spot on her pillow to rest her head on. Turning to her stomach, she grabbed the pillow and fluffed it. Lying back down on her side, she closed her eyes again. The sound of the rain was starting to annoy her now, but that couldn't be helped. Turning to her back, she tried to do a breathing exercise she remembered from the few yoga classes she'd taken when they were still living in Highland Park. But her mind kept veering away from her breathing process to latch on to topics she really didn't want to think about now. Like how much Grace's words had resembled John's.

_I want you to be happy again._

_All I need from you is for you to be happy._

It sounded so simple. Just be happy. But to Alicia, it seemed that something was always standing in the way of her being truly happy. Especially over the past six years. Each and every time she had found some happiness, something had happened to force her to make a choice at the expense of that happiness.

So, stop making those choices.

If only it were that easy… Alicia turned to her side again, giving up on the breathing exercise with a long sigh. Opening her eyes, she looked at the rain streaming down the window.

Take the law firm, for instance. In the beginning, she had been so happy to finally have her own firm. But it hadn't been long before she and Cary were forced to start bringing in the very partners they had wanted to get away from. Not that she didn't like working with Diane, especially now that they were equals, but bringing in Diane had come back to bite her in the ass when Cary and Diane had decided to bring in David Lee without consulting her, effectively telling her that the firm wasn't really hers anymore. To be fair, she was the one who had chosen to run for office, so they may be right about her role in the firm, and of course they had needed the money David brought in now that Alicia lacked the time to bring in more clients… But that didn't mean she was happy about it.

When she won the elections, she'd felt happy again. But then John had left and everything had gone downhill from that moment on. And right now, she couldn't even remember why she had been so happy to win in the first place. Being in office meant submitting both her professional and her personal life to constant scrutiny of her choices, her actions, her words.

In other words, she would be stuck doing everything she could to keep other people happy, even if it was at the expense of her own happiness. Like she had been doing during her campaign. And, come to think of it, during the past two decades. That was the root of the problem, wasn't it? Everyone around her kept calling upon her to make them happy, so she never got around to doing the things that made her happy.

Alicia sat up, pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. Resting her chin on top of them, she kept staring at the window as she remembered something else John had said.

_You are not responsible for other people's happiness._

He may be right, but it didn't feel that way… Her eyes followed the rivulets of water running down the glass that were distorting her view of the outside world, and she suddenly started wondering if her view of the expectations she was constantly trying to meet could be just as distorted. Was it really the people around her who expected her to make them happy? Or was that just her? Was it really the circumstances that forced her to make choices she didn't want to make? Or was she making those choices because she thought they were what was expected from her?

What if she had made her choices based on what she really wanted? What choices would she have made?

Well, she would have started by divorcing Peter right after the scandal had come out. Tears choked up her throat as she allowed herself a brief fantasy of what that would have been like. It would have changed everything. She wouldn't have had to deny herself the chance to be with Will. He might even have been still alive right now…

On the other hand, there was no telling what would have happened between them, if they would have been able to make things work between them. So maybe the events that had led up to his death would have taken place anyway, just for different reasons.

Would she have run for office? Alicia sighed. If she was honest… No. She remembered when John had asked her that first night why she wanted to run. She hadn't been able to come up with an answer to that, had she? Looking back now, she realized that was because it had never been her choice to run, but a choice she had made based on the… encouragement… of other people. Eli. Gloria Steinem. Lemond Bishop. And everyone else telling her she should definitely run — or who had simply assumed she was going to run because Eli had just gone ahead and started her campaign without her. She snorted. Maybe he should have run for office himself…

But he hadn't, and she had. And she had won. There was no turning back now. Was there? No, she couldn't simply undo her campaign, her win. There were no do-overs in life.

Alicia's eyes opened and grew wide as she raised her head. Or were there?

She was divorcing Peter now, wasn't she? And even though Will was gone, she had found another man she wanted to be with. A man she had admitted to being in love with, if only to herself, even before she found out that he loved her, too.

What if this was her chance at a do-over? What if this was one of those moments where she could finally make a choice that made her happy? Of course, there was no guarantee that being with John would really make her happy in the long run, but shouldn't she at least try to make it work? Not because anyone else, including him, wanted her to, but because she wanted to?

And if it wasn't too late to divorce Peter, and to choose to be with John, then maybe it wasn't too late for her to choose to step down as the next State's Attorney either…

Her heart started pounding as she considered it. She hadn't taken office yet, and no one could force her to, could they? No. They couldn't. And Frank Prady would probably be more than happy to take her place. He would do a great job, too. The voters could probably care less, seeing as how close the race between her and Prady had been. So what was stopping her from making that choice?

Well, Cary and Diane, maybe… Would they still be willing to work with her if she asked to come back? And if they weren't, was that enough reason not to even try? No. She had started her own law firm before. She could do it again. Hadn't she just thought of how happy she had been when she had done it the first time?

A smile came on Alicia's face as she let her body relax and laid back against her pillow, thinking about all the possibilities her life suddenly seemed to have to offer. The smile was still there when she finally drifted off to sleep again.

§§§

John woke up to his phone vibrating on the nightstand. He groaned when he saw the time. 6 a.m. He'd finally gone to sleep at three, after watching two dumb movies while trying to convince himself that it really wasn't a good idea to head back to Chicago right away. Grabbing his phone, he saw an incoming text from Alicia. He frowned. What was she doing up so early? It was only five in Chicago…

_When are you coming back? We need to talk._

John hesitated only a moment. Then he pressed the call back button and waited for her to pick up. "Hey," he said when she did.

"Oh — hi. I thought you'd still be asleep. I-I hope I didn't wake you…"

"No, no, that's okay. I woke up early." He was wide awake now, anyway, and it was early, so it wasn't really a lie. He sat up on the side of the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just… Woke up early too. Couldn't get back to sleep." She paused. "We filed for divorce yesterday."

"I know. I saw the press conference. How did the kids take it?"

She sighed heavily. "Telling them was the hardest thing I ever did. Grace said she was glad we don't have to pretend anymore. Zach was… Well, not okay with it. He'll need time, I guess."

"And you?" John kept his tone neutral, but he was feeling nervous. What if she thought she'd made a mistake, regretted the divorce?

"I'm glad I don't have to pretend anymore." There was a hint of a smile in her voice, and John was glad to hear it. "So… When will you be back?"

"Around noon, I think." He glanced out the window and saw dark clouds and a few raindrops. "Or maybe a little later. Depends on the weather."

"That soon? I thought you said you'd be late."

"Yeah, but I figured I'd leave early. If I take the Interstates, it'll only take me six hours… Seven or eight if the rain gets heavy enough for traffic to slow down. Why?"

"I just…" Alicia was quiet for a couple of heartbeats, then she took a deep breath. "I-I really need to talk to you. I've done a lot of thinking, and…" she trailed off again. Just when John was about to say something, she exhaled and continued, "I don't want to do this over the phone. Just… Get back here soon, okay?"

"Okay. Will you be home?"

"No, I'm going to work today. But maybe we can talk after? Over dinner or something?"

"Sure."

"Okay, see you then."

The call ended, and John sat there for a couple of minutes while he tried to figure out what was so important that she couldn't tell him on the phone. Good news or bad news? He sighed. Only one way to find out, wasn't there? He got up. He'd better get going, before the weather got too bad.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I don't really know what to tell you about this chapter, except for fasten your seat belts... **

* * *

Despite the rain that was still pouring down as if someone up there had forgotten to turn off a garden sprinkler that had gone into overdrive, Alicia felt better than she had in a long time as she stepped into her office. She had even caught herself humming along with a pop song on her car radio when she drove here. Glancing into Diane's office, she saw her partner hadn't come in yet and decided to go through the society blogs while she waited. Time to figure out who had been so eager to impeach her. She could of course have let it slide now that she had decided she would step down as SA, but somehow it felt like this was about more than just politics. It felt personal, and that was why she needed to know.

She browsed through the blogs for the next thirty minutes without finding anything, just a lot of pictures of rich people dancing, eating and drinking. Ashley was in several of them, but Alicia didn't really think the Rhodes girl had anything to do with the leak or the picture. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't think of a single shred of motive for Ashley to do such a thing. So she scrolled through the pictures that showed Ashley without looking very closely, even though she really wanted to look, because the girl was with John in most of the pictures. But she couldn't let his pretty face distract her now — especially since she would see him again in just a few hours… She was just about to give up on the pictures and call Davenport to threaten him with a lawsuit if he didn't give up his source, when someone in the background of one of the photos caught her eye. The woman had been photographed in silhouette, her face turned away from the camera, and partly blocked from view by the dancing couple in the foreground. But there was something very familiar about her.

No. It couldn't be. She hadn't even been there… Had she? Sitting up straight, her eyes widening, Alicia remembered something Peter had said Sunday night when she'd asked him about the picture in the paper.

_I was at the bar with… someone._

She saw herself standing in the ballroom again, trying to be polite about getting away from the older couple with the grandkids and the labradoodle, and wondering what was taking Peter so long. Now she thought she knew. Alicia leaned into her computer screen and squinted, trying to get a better look at the woman who was sitting at the bar with Peter. But it had been too dark. She read the caption underneath the picture, but it only mentioned the names of the couple in the foreground.

She had two options now, Alicia figured. She could try and find a better picture, or she could just call Peter and ask him. Trying to bite back her growing sense of anger, she reached for her phone.

"It's me," she said as soon as he answered. "Do you have a minute? I want to ask you a question."

"I don't have a lot of time, but go ahead." He sounded like he was walking, and in a hurry.

"Who were you at the bar with, Friday night?" Alicia got up and started pacing, trying to expel the restless energy she felt while she waited for his answer.

"Why do you want to know?"

He was evading like always, but somehow this time it only served to convince Alicia she was right. "It was Ramona, wasn't it?"

"Alicia…"

"Was it her or not? It's a yes-or-no question, Peter. Just answer it."

He hesitated, then sighed. "Yes. But…"

"What was she even doing there?"

"She, uh, she came to talk to me. I didn't even know she'd bought a ticket. She…"

"What did you talk about?" As Alicia asked the question, things that had happened over the past week started coming back to her. Peter here in this office, angry about _Good Morning Chicago_. In his own office, threatening to blackmail her. At the gala, unreasonably angry over his wife dancing with another man. In the car, grabbing her arm in such an uncharacteristical move… Then the complete about-face he'd done about the divorce, seemingly overnight. Because Ramona had set him an ultimatum. And why had she done that? "You didn't know yet… She came to tell you she was pregnant. Didn't she?" she said, answering her own question.

Peter muttered a curse. "Yes. Look, Alicia, can we talk about this later? I'm about to go into…"

"No, Peter, we are going to talk about this now. I think you owe me that much. Did Ramona read your little blackmail file about me?" She must have, right? How else would she have known all those things about Will and Alicia?

"Alicia." Peter sighed again. "I swear, I didn't know she'd seen it. I destroyed it right after she told me she had read it. I didn't think she'd already…"

Ignoring his attempts to cover his own ass, Alicia pushed right through. "And the picture? She took that too, didn't she?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Alicia…"

"Why?"

"Why am I sorry?"

Alicia rolled her eyes. "No, why did she do it? Why did she leak?"

But she already knew, of course. Jealousy, pure and simple. Alicia had taken Ramona's prize, two decades ago. She'd married the man Ramona loved, the man she had been pregnant with. That prize of a man who she was pregnant with again now but who still refused to divorce his wife. Who wouldn't want to get back at someone for that? Alicia almost felt sorry for Ramona. Almost.

"Look, I really don't have time for this now. I have an important meeting. I'll come by after and we can talk about this all you want," Peter said.

"No, Peter. Don't bother. I think I'm done talking to you. Just one more thing." She paused deliberately, giving her next words more weight. "Make sure your girlfriend stops leaking from now on, or I'll do a little leaking of my own. Got it?"

There was an audible swallow on his end. "W-what are you talking about?"

Alicia let out a brief chuckle. "You used to be my husband. She used to be my friend. That means I have a lot of personal information on both of you. Goodbye, Peter." She hung up, knowing very well she left him worrying about every misstep he had made over the past twenty years and wondering which ones she would leak — and how they would affect his precious career. Leaning back in her desk chair, she smiled widely.

"You look happy this morning." Diane stuck her head around Alicia's door.

Alicia nodded slowly. "You know what? I believe I'm finally getting there."

"Good." Diane smiled. "Listen, not to dampen your mood, but we still need to negotiate your exit package."

Alicia took a deep breath. "About that exit package… Is Cary here yet? I need to talk to both of you."

§§§

Around ten thirty that morning, John was beginning to regret his decision to ride the bike back to Chicago. He'd made good time on the first part of the trip, because there had been only light rain. But by the time he'd turned onto the I-65, that had changed. Traffic had begun to slow down as the rain grew heavier, but he still had been able to keep going at a decent speed, because being on a bike meant that he was able to weave his way through gaps between the cars and trucks that crept along the road. He'd lost some time, but he knew he could still make it ahead of schedule if he didn't stop for coffee. And he'd happily trade the coffee for the chance to surprise Alicia by taking her to lunch instead of dinner.

But about twenty minutes ago, the weather had gotten even worse, and visibility had dropped to almost zero. The tarmac had trouble handling all the water and the road had gone slippery. It still wasn't anything he couldn't handle, but after only three hours of sleep he could think of better ways to travel. Well, at least he wasn't stuck at the airport, biting back his frustration over his flight being delayed due to weather conditions, so that was something, he supposed. But he was really beginning to crave that coffee now...

A mile or so later he saw the sign of a roadside restaurant. It was shaped like a giant cup of coffee, and John felt his resolve weaken. He could almost smell the freshly ground beans the sign advertised... But at this speed, he could be in Chicago in half an hour. They had coffee there too.

Just when he decided to ignore the restaurant, the rain intensified even more. Traffic ahead of him seemed to come to a complete standstill. John slowed down too, trying to see if there was a way to make it through the traffic jam. But it was no use. He could barely make out the taillights of the car in front of him due to the water streaming down his helmet and turning everything into a blurry mess.

"Ugh... Whatever!" He muttered. Dinner it was, then. He might as well go get that coffee and wait for the weather to improve.

John signaled a right turn - and swerved when the horn of the truck behind him started honking angrily. When the back of his bike started sliding, he started cursing while he struggled to keep it upright.

Suddenly, both coffee and Alicia were the furthest things from his mind.

§§§

"Alicia. Take a seat. I'll just be a moment." Diane gestured towards a chair while tapping on her keyboard with the other hand.

"Where's Cary?" Alicia asked, as she sat down and glanced at her watch. They'd agreed to meet at eleven, because Cary had been in a meeting with an out-of-town client that morning. He was usually very punctual.

"Hi, Alicia!" Cary's voice said, from the teleconference system on Diane's desk.

"Oh! Hi! Where are you?"

"Still stuck on the I-65, just outside town. I hate rain. And traffic jams." He sighed.

"So, what did you want to talk to us about?" Diane asked, turning away from her computer to face Alicia. She was squinting a little behind her glasses, as if she expected bad news.

Alicia took a deep breath. "Well, here's the thing… I've done a lot of thinking lately. And I'm no longer sure if I really want to take the SA's office. So I was hoping I could come back. Here. As a partner." Silence followed her words, both in the office and on the teleconference system. Diane just sat there, looking at her like she was seeing water burn. "If—if you'll have me, that is, of course…"

"That's great news!" Cary said. "We'll have to open a bottle of champaign when I get back! Which is hopefully soon. Traffic is moving again. A little, that is…"

Alicia could practically hear his eye roll at that last part, but it was the first part that made her heart jump. Although she did of course realize that she'd won only half the battle. "Diane?"

"Yes. Yes, of course you can come back. We'd love to have you…" The older woman raised her eyebrows. "I was just wondering where this is suddenly coming from. Want to share?"

Alicia opened her mouth, ready to tell her partners about how the recent media attention had made her see that being SA wasn't really what she wanted, when Cary's voice sounded again.

"Oh, shit. That's just... Nasty. Aw, that poor bastard…" he muttered.

Alicia and Diane exchanged puzzled looks. "Cary?" Diane asked, cautiously. "What's going on?"

"Big accident up ahead. I think a truck hit a motorcycle or something—well, it looks like it used to be a motorcycle, anyway. I can't really tell for sure…"

Cary said more, but Alicia was suddenly feeling like the bottom had dropped out of her stomach at the mention of a motorbike. Diane's office started spinning around her as she felt the blood drain from her face. It's not him, she told herself. It can't be. There must be hundreds of bikers on the Interstate this morning. The room stopped spinning and her stomach settled slightly. Then she glanced at the window and remembered the rain. How many bikers rode their bikes in the pouring rain, she wondered…

"Alicia?" Diane's voice seemed to come from a hundred miles away. "Alicia. What's wrong?"

"I…" Alicia stood up, on legs that felt like they were made out of wood. "I need to call him," she managed to choke out.

"What? Who? Alicia!" She heard Diane call out after her as she left the office and began the journey to her own, while she constantly repeated her new mantra, _it's not him,_ in her head.

Alicia kept repeating that mantra over and over again while she grabbed her phone and forced her numb fingers to dial John's number. She repeated it twice more as she lifted the phone to her ear, wondering how she had never noticed how heavy the device was. And she repeated her mantra all the way through the message of the robot voice telling her that this cell phone user was currently out of reach, and to try calling again later.

It wasn't him.

Was it?


	18. Chapter 18

Somewhere in the past hour, the rain had stopped. But thick, dark clouds still hung over Chicago, painting the city in somber shades of gray. Alicia's heart was clouded too. Had she really thought only a couple of hours ago that she was on her way to true happiness? Ha. She should have known better.

She must have tried calling John at least a dozen times, but kept getting the robot voice. So she'd put her phone down about thirty minutes ago. Now she was just staring blankly at her computer screen where a live video news feed was playing, unaware of the worried looks Diane threw her way from the other side of the hallway every so often.

Not even a voicemail this time. Will had at least left her a voicemail.

As soon as that thought surfaced, she forcefully pushed it from her mind again. Until she had tangible evidence, she refused to believe John was dead. That's why she was watching the live stream, waiting for any bit of news on the accident. She focused on the screen again, where footage shot by a traffic helicopter of the chaos on the I-65 was currently being shown. Alicia balled her hands into fists, her fingernails biting into the palms of her hands, and forced herself to keep watching. A truck lay on its side like a giant slain monster, blocking the lane it had been driving in. On the shoulder of the road she could see the scattered remnants of what had indeed been a motorbike. One of the reporters in the chopper had confirmed that ten minutes ago, adding the comment that he couldn't see how anyone could have survived that.

Alicia tried to hold on to the tiny sliver of hope that it may be a motorbike, but it didn't necessarily have to be _John's_ motorbike. The live stream had shown more than one motorbike quickly sneaking by the traffic that was slowly making its way past the accident site. Maybe John had been on one of those, and she just didn't know it yet… But holding on to that hope was getting harder with every minute that crept by.

She hadn't even told him she loved him. Why hadn't she just told him?

There really was no good in goodbye, just like she'd feared Sunday night after John's phone call. The memory of that phone call led to the memory of their call from this morning, and she had to fight back the tears that threatened. _Just get back here soon_, her own voice whispered in the back of her mind. What if John had been speeding in an effort to make that happen?

"…The motorcyclist was airlifted to Chicago Mercy Hospital, but chances are slim to none that he will make it there alive, an on-scene paramedic told our reporter at the site of the accident. The police are currently working to clear the road…"

Alicia's hand shot to her phone before her mind had even fully registered the news anchor's words. The only word that mattered, was _alive_. Heart pounding, she quickly looked up the hospital's number and dialed.

"Chicago Mercy Hospital, how may I help you?" A pleasant woman's voice said after Alicia had made her way through the electronic menu.

"I…" She cleared her throat, still trying to hold back the tears. "I need information on the motorcyclist that was brought in earlier. From the I-65?"

Tapping sounds came through the phone as the woman on the other end checked her computer. "Can I have your name, ma'am?" she asked then.

"Florrick. Alicia Florrick." Alicia felt only slightly guilty about emphasizing her married name in hopes that it would carry enough weight to get her through the red tape of any privacy guidelines the hospital had in place. It didn't. The brief hesitation after she'd said her name told her the woman had recognized the name, but she still told Alicia that she could only give information about the victim to his family. "Can you at least tell me if he's still alive? Please?" she begged the woman.

The woman hesitated again, before sighing. "He is," she said eventually, and Alicia closed her eyes. "For now," the woman added then.

Alicia thanked her and hung up. Then she grabbed her coat and hurried for the elevator. Diane stood up behind her desk, watching her go, but Alicia didn't even glance her way. She couldn't care less about the world around her. The only thing that mattered to her now was that she got to the hospital before it was too late to say goodbye.

The elevator doors opened on the ground floor to reveal Finn blocking her path. He smiled when he saw her and started to greet her, but she pushed right past him and into the lobby. "Hey, what's the rush?" He called out, but Alicia didn't hear it.

She had frozen mid-step as the world started spinning around her for the second time that morning. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. The tears she had been fighting back ever since Cary had told her about the accident finally escaped and started rolling down her cheeks. She desperately wanted to raise a hand and wipe them away, but she was still frozen.

All she could do was stare at the leather-clad man who had just entered the lobby from outside, through the glass doors opposite the elevator.

He took a couple of steps in her direction before he seemed to notice there was something wrong with her and stopped to look at her. "Alicia? Are you alright?"

It was the sound of his alarmed voice that finally broke through her paralysis. "J-John?" she whispered on a sob, afraid to believe what her eyes and ears were telling her.

"Hey. Hey. What's wrong, honey?" He started to close the remaining feet of distance between them, but before he could, she launched herself into his arms.

Part of her still expected to find nothing but thin air, but her body crashed into his and then she was surrounded by his arms and his warmth and the smell of wet leather and she finally allowed herself to believe that he was here, really here, holding her tight as she buried her face against his chest and sobbed her heart out.

§§§

John was barely able to keep his balance when Alicia flung herself at him and he caught her. But he managed to stay on his feet as she clung to him like she was drowning in a flood and he was a lifesaving tree. But if she was drowning, it seemed to be in a flood of tears that frightened him to no end. Was one of her children hurt? Had she, or a loved one, been diagnosed with a life threatening disease? He held her tight and kissed her hair and rubbed her back as he went through every possible scenario in his mind.

He had no idea how long they stood there like that, but at one point he looked up and saw Finn Polmar standing agape by the elevator, his eyes wide. John tensed as a new scenario suddenly hit him. What if that guy had hurt her somehow, because he couldn't take rejection or something? Sure, the prick looked benign enough in his tailored mud-brown suit and impeccably knotted tie, but who knew what went on behind that slick pretty boy face of his?

His thoughts must have shown on his face, because Polmar clapped his mouth shut and swallowed hard. Then he shrugged and shook his head, as if to say he didn't know what was going on either. John kept staring, trying to discern if the lawyer's confusion was genuine or not, but then the elevator door opened and Polmar hastily stepped inside, pressing the button to close the door behind him as he went. Because he didn't want to let go of Alicia, John didn't attempt to follow him. She was still sobbing into his jacket, but the sobs were becoming a little less frequent. He resumed rubbing her back and kissing her hair until he felt her release a shuddering sigh and her body relaxed against his.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered, raising her head to meet his gaze. "I heard about the accident and you didn't answer your phone and I called you over and over and…" Fresh tears pooled in her eyes and she clenched her eyes shut. "And I thought you were dead," she repeated.

Accident? His mind went back to the touch-and-go moment on the Interstate when he'd narrowly escaped getting hit by that damn truck. He still wasn't completely sure how he'd managed to keep his bike upright and made it to the exit ramp unscathed, but she couldn't be talking about that, because she hadn't been there. "What accident?" He asked.

"On the I-65. A motorbike got hit by a truck and…" She seemed to choke up, then swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "It wasn't you," she murmured, a hint of astonishment in her voice that would have made him think she was questioning his riding skills if she hadn't been staring at him with such wonder in her eyes. "It wasn't you." This time she said it like she was confirming it to herself.

"No, it wasn't me," he assured her, now thinking about the very last part of his trip, when he'd made his way through a traffic jam just outside the city limits that must have been the result of the accident she was talking about. He'd seen the truck, of course. It had been hard to overlook, the way it was lying there on its side and partly blocking the road. But he'd been so focused on making it through the traffic jam safely, his own brush with death still fresh in his mind even after two cups of fresh coffee, that he'd completely missed the motorbike.

No, it hadn't been him, but it easily could have been, he realized with dawning horror. He'd been a monumental ass, riding his bike in weather conditions like that. He should have left the moving of the bike to the moving company and taken a plane, or waited for the storm to pass. He could have gotten himself killed.

Anger at his own stupidity quickly arose within him, and he tried to hide it by crushing his mouth to Alicia's in an anguished kiss. She responded in kind, kissing him back with double the fervor she'd shown that first night, in the hallway outside her apartment, molding her body to his as he tightened his hold on her because he needed to be as close to her as he could get.

Alicia was the one to break the kiss, her breathing gradually slowing as she rested her forehead against his and closed her eyes. "Please don't scare me like that ever again," she said quietly. Then she raised her head and looked at him with wide, vulnerable eyes. She took a deep breath and continued, "I love you so much, John. I can't… I can't lose you, too."

John's heart filled with warmth as he let her words, the words he had wanted to hear from her so badly, but had never really expected her to say, wash over him.

§§§

Alicia watched a bright smile spread across John's face as he took in her words. It made her feel like the sun was finally piercing through the clouds in her heart. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his again, pouring all the love she felt into the kiss. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was amazed at how easy it was for her to finally to let go of that part of her that she'd always felt the need to hold back and how good it felt to just be in the moment, here, with the man she loved...

"Geez. Why don't you two get a room?"

They broke apart, startled by the grumpy voice coming from the glass doors behind them. Alicia looked back and right into Cary's face. His jaw slowly dropped as he looked back at her and seemed to process what he saw.

"Oh," he said, understanding dawning in his eyes as he looked at John in his leather clothing. "That your bike parked outside?"

"Yeah…" John said, confusion evident in his voice.

"Nice ride." Cary paused, his eyes filling with compassion as he looked at Alicia "Good to see it in one piece."

Alicia smiled self-consciously as John frowned and Cary smiled softly at her.

"Well, I'm late for work. Stupid traffic. By all means, carry on," Cary said, and as he stepped past them on his way to the elevator, Alicia felt his hand briefly squeeze her shoulder. The elevator doors opened and he stepped inside, turning around to face them. Just before the doors closed, he grinned broadly. "I guess this means we save that champaign for tomorrow?" he asked.

"I guess so," Alicia said, grinning back.

"Champaign?" John asked at the same time.

"Take me home and I'll tell you all about that," Alicia promised. Then she burst into laughter when he scooped her up in his arms and carried her outside, into the weak sunlight that had begun penetrating the clouds.

* * *

**A/N: You didn't really think I would kill John off, and deny Alicia her happy ending yet again, did you? Anyway, I couldn't find it in my heart to leave you hanging for too long. Next update may take bit longer though. I have work to do, you know... I have decided to add an extra chapter though, so that means there are two more to go now. Hope you don't mind ;)**

**Special thanks to my 200th reviewer :) But of course, I really and truly appreciate all reviews. Thank you for having faith in me, this couple and this story. Let me know what you think of this chapter!**

**Also, if you skipped to the end of this chapter instead of reading it from the top... Shame on you. But I totally understand.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N 1: So, John took Alicia home... And then what happened? You will find out in this chapter. Word of caution - the first half of this chapter is M-rated. I figured they would need to let off some steam after the morning they've had... ;) Enjoy!**

* * *

He looked just like her fantasy in his two-piece motorcycle suit and boots, Alicia realized as she glanced at John while they stood waiting for the elevator in her building. No, better even. He'd unzipped the jacket, revealing the white V-neck T-shirt he was wearing underneath it, giving her a nice view of his muscled torso. Because the view was even better without the shirt, her hands itched to take it off him. But they should probably talk first.

"Alicia." She felt his hand tighten around hers.

"Hm?"

"Stop looking at me like that." His voice sounded strained.

"Like what?" She asked innocently, turning her gaze forward again as the elevator doors opened.

"Like you want to rip my clothes off." They stepped into the elevator and John pressed the button for her floor.

Alicia waited for the doors to close before turning to face him and asking, "What's wrong with me wanting to rip your clothes off?" She looked at him through her lashes with what she hoped was a seductive gaze.

He inhaled sharply — and then she suddenly found herself pressed up against the back wall of the elevator as his hands came up around her face and his mouth came down on hers. She gasped in surprise, giving his tongue the chance to enter her mouth. Hot need made her core muscles clench and her knees buckle. She grabbed on to his shoulders as he pressed his thighs against her, making her whimper when she felt the evidence of his arousal against her stomach through his leather pants.

So maybe they could talk later. Good. She wanted to talk… But right now, she needed this more. It was like some part of her still needed more confirmation that he was alive and well.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. They broke apart, both panting, and John grabbed her hand and pulled her into the hallway. Rushing to the door to her apartment, Alicia dug up her house key with her free hand. She managed to open the door after only two tries and they all but fell inside.

"Where's Grace?" John asked.

"School."

"Good." He kicked the door shut behind them and grabbed her arm, spun her around so she was facing him again and grabbed her hips as he took her mouth in another scorching kiss. Then he lifted her up and she wrapped her thighs around his waist so he could carry her to the bedroom.

To Alicia's surprise, he didn't put her down when they got there. Instead, he walked right into the adjoining bathroom and then put her down so she was sitting on the vanity, the cool marble of the vanity top against the back of her thighs forming a stark contrast to the liquid heat coursing through her veins. She shuddered and tightened the grip of her legs around him as her hands pushed the jacket off his shoulders. He shrugged it off impatiently, and yanked his shirt over his head. Then he shoved up her skirt, and she moaned when his warm fingers touched the bare skin of her hips. His grip tightened and his hips jerked forward, making his hard length press against her right where she wanted it.

Then he pulled back and broke the kiss, taking a step backwards. Alicia tried to stop him from going too far away with her legs, but he smiled and peeled them from around him. "I need to get rid of my boots," he explained, and proceeded to do just that, taking his socks off as well.

Alicia slid down from the vanity and started unbuttoning her blouse.

"Don't," John said, and when she gave him a questioning look, he came back to her, took her hands in his and brushed his lips over hers. "I want to do it myself," he whispered. He lowered their hands, gently pushed them behind her back and dropped a kiss on the skin she'd bared by opening the top two buttons. She shivered and arched into him, wanting him to continue, but he let go of her hands and raised his head. "Just hold tight for a moment…"

So she held tight, while he got rid of his leather pants. But when he moved his hands to the button of the jeans he was wearing underneath, she was the one to stop him. "I still want to rip your clothes off," she reminded him. When he looked like he wanted to object, she silenced him by kissing him.

John let his hands fall alongside his hips. "All yours," he murmured.

Alicia trailed her hands down his chest, and over the ridges of his abs until they reached his waistband. She wrapped her fingers around it, but made no attempt to unbutton it yet. Instead, she slowly sank down to her knees as she let her tongue follow the path her hands had taken before, enjoying the salty, masculine taste of his skin. His muscles jumped, his breathing became increasingly irregular and from the corner of her eye she saw that he had balled his hands into fists. She smiled as she finally unbuttoned the jeans and carefully lowered the zipper. His length strained towards her, pushing against his boxers, and her core muscles clenched in answer. Wrapping her hands around the waistbands of both his jeans and his underwear, she paused to look up at him. His body was tense and he was clenching his eyes shut, his breath coming in short gasps now. In one swift movement, she took down his jeans and underwear, freeing him. He hissed sharply when she proceeded to lick along his length, from base to tip, enjoying the way he throbbed and twitched against her tongue. Before she could go any further though, his hands came up to the sides of her head and he held her away from him.

"Not like that," he ground out, then helped her stand up before stepping out of the clothes pooled around his feet. He took a deep, shuddering breath as he pulled her against him and kissed her lovingly.

His hands slid up along her sides and he finally started to unbutton her blouse, his lips and tongue worshipping each spot of skin he bared. Alicia had to grab on to his shoulders for balance again as she let her head fall back, because her legs were trembling now. He pushed the blouse off her shoulders and she let it slide down her arms, whimpering when she felt his hot mouth suckling her nipple through the lace of her bra. His arm came around her waist, holding her upright when her legs would have given out as he moved his mouth to her other nipple and continued his onslaught.

"John…" she moaned, pushing her breasts up to give him easier access. He used his free hand to unclasp her bra and pulled it down under her breasts with his teeth. And then Alicia lost her breath as he licked his way back to her now bare nipples, the sensitive skin around them breaking out in goosebumps. His hands slid down her back to the waistband of her skirt and he unzipped it and pushed it down, taking her panties as he went. When she stepped out of them, he took her hands again and stepped back, taking her with him. Then he reached for the shower and turned it on.

They stepped under the spray and as the water started washing over her Alicia realized that a shower was exactly what she needed. She stretched and turned her face into the spray, closing her eyes as the remaining tension the emotional morning had brought on started draining from her muscles. She released a long moan as her shoulders unknotted — and then another one when John's hands started sliding over her back, gently lathering it. She inhaled the lavender scent of the shower gel and leaned back against him as his hands circled around to her stomach. He nuzzled the side of her neck and she rolled her head to give him access. He licked upwards to her earlobe, making her shiver, while putting one of his hands on her breast and letting the other travel down her belly to where she was suddenly aching to be touched. She arched her back and bucked her hips, sighing when he finally touched her, his finger teasing her folds.

"Oh, God…" she gasped when he gently pinched and rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger and liquid heat shot from there to where he was touching her between her legs. Turning her head, she crashed her lips to his as the urgent need she'd felt in the elevator took hold of her body again.

John must have felt it too, because he tore his mouth away and spun her around like he had done in the hallway and lifted her off her feet again. Alicia wrapped her thighs around him and clung to his shoulders as he turned and pressed her into the back wall of the shower, the cold tiling heightening the sensation of burning heat within her.

"I can't go slow anymore…" John groaned, as he thrust himself into her and then held still, his body trembling.

"Then don't," Alicia said. "Please, John. Just…" Her voice trailed off on a whimper as he pulled out of her almost completely and thrust back in right away, hard. Stretching her, filling her up and creating delicious friction. She closed her eyes, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth and tried to hold back her cry of pleasure.

"Open your eyes. Look at me." He panted, and she forced her eyes open. "I love you, Alicia. I love you so damn much…" His movements grew faster and he pressed his forehead against hers, his love for her burning in his gaze.

"I love you too… Oh. God. Please don't stop. Don't…" Alicia dug her nails into the skin of his shoulders and tightened her legs around him as she frantically rocked against him, rapidly climbing towards the edge. Her eyes threatened to close again, but she wanted to keep looking at him and so she forced her eyelids to stay up. But then he slightly changed his angle and rubbed against her in exactly the right way and a burning hot wave of pleasure crashed through her fast and hard. Her inner muscles spasmed and convulsed over and over again and she lost control over her body as her eyes slammed shut and she screamed his name, drowning in a sea of pure ecstasy.

When Alicia came down from her high and opened her eyes, John was looking at her with wonder in his eyes. He pressed a soft, tender kiss to her lips.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered. Then he started to move again, slowly at first, but soon his rhythm became faster, his thrusts shorter, until his body started shuddering and he pushed himself deep two, three times. He threw his head back and let out a groan between clenched teeth as she felt him pulsate inside her. He relaxed and sagged against her, pinning her to the wall with his weight. But she didn't mind one bit. If it were up to her, she would never let him go.

But he pulled out of her eventually, and that was when she realized they'd forgotten about protection. She looked at him and saw that he knew it, too. "It's okay," she whispered. "I'm on the Pill."

"Okay." John blew out a breath, relief crossing his face. "Good. And I um… I never forgot protection before, so I am… Uh, you know, clean. But if you want me to get myself tested, I will…"

"John." He sounded so much like the awkward man she remembered from their first night together, she couldn't help but smile widely. She put her finger on his lips to keep him from talking. "You don't have to do that. Get yourself tested, I mean." She took a deep breath and made sure he could see the truth in her eyes before she continued, "I trust you. Completely."

§§§

After they'd gotten dressed, they realized they were starving and decided to have a late lunch. Sitting at the dining room table, John glanced at Alicia. Something about her seemed different. He couldn't really put a finger on what it was, exactly, but it had something to do with the complete abandon she'd shown in his arms this afternoon — both when she had been crying and when they made love. And with the way she'd told him she trusted him completely…

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Alicia interrupted his reflections.

"You," he said.

She snorted. "Trying to flatter me into sleeping with you again, huh?" She wiggled her eyebrows, surprising a chuckle out of him. He didn't think he'd ever seen her wiggle her eyebrows before. It looked cute.

"I was trying to figure out why you seem different, actually… But I'm all for sleeping with you again. Up to you," he said.

She turned serious again, contemplating his words. "Well, maybe it's because I feel different. I found clarity." A ghost of a smile crossed her lips.

John remembered the first time they'd met. When he had asked her why she had gone into law in the first place, she'd said she liked clarity. Right after she'd told him she was not a super hero. He'd found those two things very refreshing in a candidate — no bullshit about wanting to make a contribution to society, no empty promises. Those things were what had made him believe in her right from the start, stronger than he had ever believed in a candidate before. And he wasn't the only one. She had won, and rightfully so. He was still so proud of her for becoming the first female SA of Cook County…

"I've done a lot of thinking, and…" she continued, unaware that his thoughts had wandered off. He focused on her words again. "Remember when you asked me why I wanted to run for office? I found an answer to that. Want to hear?"

"Sure." John hadn't expected this, but was curious to see what she was getting at.

"It was because everyone seemed to expect me to run. Peter, Eli, my law partners… Even you seemed to think I had already decided to run. So I ran." She shrugged self-consciously.

"And you won. Rightfully so," he said. "The reason why you ran, doesn't matter anymore now you've been elected, right?" He was a bit surprised by her confession. He'd noticed during her campaign that she was reluctant to do the stuff campaigning usually entailed, of course, but he'd figured it had to do with her being a first time candidate.

"Yes. It does matter. Ever since Ramona leaked the story about me and Will, I've been…"

"Ramona was the leak?" He blinked, but then realized it made perfect sense for the woman to want to impeach Alicia.

"Yeah, I found out this morning. You were right about Ashley. I'm sorry I didn't believe you right away."

"That's okay." She'd had no reason to believe him. Even he hadn't been convinced until he had talked to Ashley, right? So he wasn't going to hold that against her.

"No, it's not… But that's not the point now. Ramona, and Davenport, actually convinced me that being SA is not for me after all. So I've decided to step down, and…"

"You _what_?" Anger at Trent and Ramona made him raise his voice. "Alicia, no. You can't let them do that to you! This bad publicity will blow over, you know that, right? It's just a momentary setback. We'll find a way to restore your image, and…"

"No, John. You don't understand. I'm not _letting_ them do anything to me. This was _my_ decision." She gave him a soft smile. "I don't want to be a politician. I don't want to be in the spotlight all the time. I don't want to have to work with Peter. I want a life where I don't have to be careful about… everything I say or do all the time. And I only want to work on cases I believe in. As SA, I can't do that, either."

"Are you sure? You'd make the best State's Attorney this county has ever had."

"John… You told me that you needed only two things from me. For me to be happy, and for me to want to be with you. Is that still true?"

"Of course."

"That's what I want. To be happy. With you. Taking office… won't make me happy." She expelled a breath. "So, yes. I'm sure."

She was. John could see it in her eyes. He had to admire her strength. Not many people would choose to go their own way when a whole county expected them to do something else. And if this made her happy, then who was he to stand in her way? He smiled. "Okay," he said, "I was just checking."

She smiled back. "No, you weren't. But that's okay. I love you anyway."

He didn't think he'd ever get enough of hearing her say that. "Trying to flatter me into sleeping with you again?" he asked.

"Is it working?" She wiggled her eyebrows again.

"Hell, yeah." John stood up and held out his hand for her to take. She did, and he pulled her off her chair and into his embrace. Leaning in, he murmured, "Just so you know… I wasn't trying to convince you to take office. Just do whatever makes you happy, okay?"

Alicia leaned her forehead against his and smiled. "You know what would make me happy right now?" she whispered.

"What?"

"Making love to you again. So please stop talking and start kissing me."

He did what she asked, and then she took his hand and guided him to her bedroom and they did what made them both very happy. Twice.

* * *

**A/N 2: This wraps up the main story, but it's not the end. I have an epilogue in store for you. Please tell me if you think I've left loos threads in the plot, and I will try to take care of those in the last update!**

**As always, thank you for your lovely reviews and your support for this story and this pairing.**


	20. Epilogue

_Six weeks later_

There was standing room only in their usual bar this Friday evening, but Alicia didn't mind. She felt too restless to sit anyway.

"I'd like to propose a toast." Cary said, beer in hand and smiling at her as she immediately felt heat rise to her cheeks. Diane, Kalinda and David stopped talking and looked back and forth between them. "Here's to our newest partner, Alicia Cavanaugh, who is living proof that Cavanaugh, Agos, Lockhart and Lee is like the Mafia — once you're in, you can never really get out. So… Welcome home, Alicia." Laughter sounded as they all clinked their glasses and drank.

"Thank you, Cary… Thank you all," Alicia said, looking at each one of them. She felt warmth spread through her heart when she realized that the people around the standing-table were not only her colleagues, but also her friends. Maybe with the exception of David, but even he had seemed to warm up to her a little over the past weeks. And he was here with the rest of them, celebrating both her official return to the firm and the fact that the judge had finally granted the divorce today. "It's good to be back. But I haven't prepared a speech, because my campaign manager was too busy to write one…"

They laughed again, and then Diane said, "It's good to have you back."

"Yes, welcome back, Alicia," Kalinda added, with a small but warm smile. "But where is that campaign manager of yours? We'd hoped to finally meet him today… Officially, that is."

"He'll be here in…" Alicia checked her watch, "…Five minutes, actually. But just to pick me up, so you probably won't see him." John had been working hard over the past weeks, because the Rhodes Foundation was in the middle of a transition period. Trevor Rhodes had had to take a step back, on doctor's orders. His grandson-in-law Eric was taking over most of his tasks, and it was up to John to make sure the reputation of the Foundation didn't suffer from the change in leadership. So far, it hadn't.

"Ooh, hot date, huh? That explains the outfit…" Cary gave her a speculative once-over and winced when Kalinda punched him in the shoulder.

Alicia tried to ignore the last part of his comment. She was feeling self-conscious enough about her looks as it was.

"She looks great," she heard Kalinda mutter to Cary. Then, to Alicia, "You need better boots though."

Alicia chuckled, looking down at the old tan ankle boots she'd dug up from the back of her closet. They were the only pair of sturdy boots she owned that matched the cream-colored leather pants John had given her as a 'divorce present' this morning and that she was currently wearing over her Calvin Klein jeans. "Only if I ever get on the back of a motorbike again after tonight," she said, trying to keep the nerves wreaking havoc on her stomach out of her voice.

Diane snorted. "That's what I said when Kurt wanted to take me hunting. Now I can't wait for next time. Where is John taking you tonight?"

"We're going on a weekend getaway, actually," Alicia admitted, unable to keep the joy at being able to spend a whole weekend alone with John, without any secrecy or interruptions, out of her voice. "John's grandfather used to own a cabin in New Buffalo, right on the beach of Lake Michigan. He left it to John in his will."

"Sounds nice," Diane said.

It did. If only John hadn't insisted on taking his bike… What was wrong with taking a car, like sane people would? She'd seen the bike and doubted that there would be enough room for her and John to sit on it together. What if she fell off?

"See? I told you he was dating Nancy Crozier…" Kalinda said to Cary, startling Alicia from her thoughts.

As she followed their gazes, she saw the outside door open and Finn come in, Nancy in tow. But it was the sound of a heavy engine that drifted in after them as the door slowly closed again that made her heart start to pound in her chest.

"Hey Alicia! I think your ride's here," Finn said. Nancy's eyes widened at the sight of Alicia her leather clothes.

Alicia drained her wine and put on her new cream-colored jacket, the smell of leather she'd come to associate with John over the past six weeks now surrounding her and calming her enough to pull the zipper up without anyone noticing the slight tremble in her hands. "Okay, see you all on Monday then," she expelled a heavy breath before muttering, "If I'm still in one piece by then…" Laughter and good wishes followed her to the door.

When she stepped outside, into the light of the setting sun, she felt her nerves settle slightly at the sight of John straddling his bike. She trusted this man with all of her heart, so she might as well trust him with her life, she decided as she walked towards him.

"Hey," she said when she reached him. Making a pirouette, she showed off her clothes. "So… How do I look?"

"Good enough to eat." He said, taking off his helmet and pulling her in for a kiss. "But there's something missing…" He continued when he withdrew. He reached behind him and produced another helmet. "Here, put this on and I'll take you for a ride."

Alicia's nerves returned full force when she put the helmet on and John helped her fasten it. But she refused to acknowledge them, instead giving him a decisive nod when he asked her if she was ready. She climbed onto the bike and he showed her where to put her feet. Then he started the engine, making her squeal and grab on to him as tight as she could.

"Don't worry! I'll go slow the first couple of miles!" She could barely hear him over the noise the bike was producing, but the hint of amusement in his voice came through very clearly.

"Just the first couple of miles?" she muttered, her voice sounding strangely confined. Then she squealed again, tightening her hold on John even more as he set the machine from hell into motion. Slowly, like he'd promised. But gradually picking up speed as they made their way through the familiar streets of Chicago, before leaving the city behind.

It wasn't long after they'd passed the city limits before the sense of freedom John had told her about took hold of Alicia and she relaxed, a wide smile coming on her face as she let go of her fear and simply enjoyed the ride.

§§§

John smiled as he looked out over the beach from the kitchen window, lost in childhood memories of long weekends like this one, building castles in the sand with his grandfather, water skiing with his friends and later, as a teenager, picking up girls at the New Buffalo ice cream parlor downtown. But although he'd had some great times here, the company had never been as good as it was now.

His gaze landed on Alicia, sitting in the sand by the water, looking out over the lake. She really was something else. He'd seen the fear in her eyes right before she climbed on his bike, but she'd met her fear head on and defeated it before they were even halfway. If he were honest, he'd been a little bit nervous himself, too. He still hadn't completely shaken the memory of the incident on the I-65, and if the weather forecast had predicted even a slight chance of rain, he would have left the bike in Chicago and brought her here by car. But this time it seemed the weather Gods were on his side, and the ride had been smooth and very enjoyable, with her curves firmly pressed up against his back.

The coffee maker was done, so John reached into one of the overhead cabinets and pulled out two mugs, one of which read _The World's Best Grandma_ in faded letters. It reminded him of a thought he'd had earlier today. A crazy thought, but he couldn't seem to shake it. It was crazy, because Alicia's divorce had only been finalized today. It was also crazy because they hadn't known each other that long. He hadn't even been formally introduced to her family yet. So he would wait. Still, he wondered what had happened to his grandmother's old wedding ring, a beautiful piece of jewelry made out of three delicate bands of gold woven together in an intricate pattern. It would look beautiful on Alicia's finger, he imagined. Maybe he could ask his mother where it was, next time he saw her…

Shaking his head with a slightly self-deprecating grin, he poured the coffee. He'd never been a guy to stay in one place, he hadn't been lying when he'd told Marissa that on election night, but look at him now. Who would have thought that he would not only settle in one place, holding a steady job, but also start having thoughts of settling down in other ways so soon?

He picked up the mugs and stepped out on the deck, inhaling the fresh evening air. Alicia turned her head, as if she'd sensed him come out, and smiled. He didn't think he would ever get enough of her smile. He held up the mugs and she waved him over, clearly enjoying this peaceful moment too much to come back inside already, even though it was getting dark. John couldn't blame her. He stepped onto the beach, the cool sand soft under his bare feet as he made his way toward her.

§§§

It was just a ninety minute drive, but still the city and her everyday life seemed so far away here, Alicia thought as she quietly left the cabin on sunday morning and walked to her favorite spot on the beach, right by the water where she had an amazing view of the Chicago skyline in the distance. She had really enjoyed this weekend retreat with nothing other to worry about than potential sunburn.

But now it was almost time to return to real life, and she found herself worrying about Zach and Grace. Over the past six weeks, they seemed to have gotten a little more used to their parents not even pretending to be together anymore, so that was all good. But it wouldn't be long before she would introduce them to John, and she wasn't sure they would just take that in stride... Although she wasn't pregnant of course, so their reaction to John could hardly be as bad as or worse than their reaction to Ramona, right? Grace had even refused to spend the weekend over at Peter's, and was now staying with a friend. Peter sure hadn't liked that, especially with Zach opting to stay at Georgetown when he heard his mother was going out of town for the weekend.

So, yeah, Alicia really hoped that her kids and John would get along. She'd hinted that the 'friend' she was going out of town with was a man, trying to ease them into the idea of her moving on from their father before outright telling them. But she wasn't sure they'd picked up on it, since they had both just told her to have fun. Although Grace had added that she was glad her mom was 'traveling to new places', so maybe her daughter had read between the lines after all. She'd find out for sure next weekend, at the family dinner she had planned for Saturday evening. Her mother and Owen would be there too. As would John.

"Good morning, sunshine." John's arms came around her from behind.

"Hey you," she replied, turning around and pulling him in for a kiss.

"So, ready to go home?" He asked when they broke apart again.

"Only if you are coming home with me." When she saw his eyes widen in surprise, she realized what she'd said and chuckled. "That's not what I meant. I think you should at least meet my kids before you move in with me, don't you?"

He smiled. "Are you saying you can actually see us living together at some point?"

Alicia answered his smile, secretly wondering what he would say if she told him that she could even see them get married... Not right away, of course, that would be crazy. But who knew, maybe in a year or two?

"Definitely," she said, answering both his question and her own unspoken one.

**The End**

* * *

**A/N: In this epilogue, I have tried to wrap up some minor storylines as well as give Alicia and John their happy ending. I hope you liked it, even though it didn't contain any of your requests. I couldn't write those in without starting new story lines, and that is not what an epilogue is for. But I have taken note, and if I ever write the requested sequel I will try to incorporate Owen and Veronica, payback for Peter, John in Alicia's office and interacting with Diane... And whatever else I can think of.**

**But the sequel will have to wait, because I have another idea first. My next fic will be about Alicia and John, but also about a couple from another show, and it will be M-rated crime/romantic suspense. I hope to start posting the new fic soon, but it requires a lot of research, so please be patient. If you don't want to miss the first chapter, hit the follow author button if you haven't already ;)**

**In the meantime, I have really enjoyed writing this story and reading your thoughts on it. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**Special thanks to Anita, Elize and Kathy, who all love John and Alicia as much as I do and don't mind listening to me obsessing about the show, lol.**

**FIND MY NEW STORY IN THE M-RATED CROSSOVER SECTION... IT IS CALLED _BLOOD RUNS HOT_**


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